Jynx Capreece

Lynx The Jynx
2002-07-31 04:04:28 (UTC)

Tues. 07/30/02

I hope this helps me, I love to write and am good at
typing. I am so stressed out. I really like this one guy
I'll call him C. He has the confidence to tell all his
friends that I am his girlfriend, but not me. I wanted
something exceptional for my first relationship. And so far
all it does is hurt me. He never calls, writes, e-mailz...
any relative romantic relationship thing like that. Unless
he calls to give a proposition of meeting to go to the bar
or to the movies. I am 22 years old, am a virgin, am naive,
am stressed, depressed, in chronic pain due to past
injuries. Maybe I'm not worth the effort. I need to find a
way to tell him that if he does not want to hurt our
friendship then I won't allow our relationship to prosper
any at all. Every where I turn I get pity. I'm stupid,
I've never been appreciated by my family. They hate me,
want me to die. My nightmares are hurting me, mentally and
physically. I sense things about people before they do
something and warn people, they hate and resent me for this
but never admit or apoligize when what I fortold happens
anyway. They all hate me, I want to die. For all my morals,
all my dreams, all the love in me...I have never been loved
in return. I hide my pain, because I am meant to be the one
to take the hurt. If I fight or show my pain, they don't
understand, they resent me so I take it because in the time
it takes them to hurt me they are not hurting someone else
who may not be able to survive it. I want an accident to
happen to me, I want to die, but I do not have the courage
to end my pain. I try everywhere for help. No one
understands, and those who get crushes one me I want to
slap and tell them to stop being fools, to fuck off before
I loose my little control and restraint that I fight for.
No one will ever help me, how long will I be able to fight?




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