sweetaddiction

and the rain, it doesnt care if youre here. or if youre there.

so work was pretty stressful today.
but, im off now. so its all good. and i have tomorrow off
so that makes it even goodER. heh.

being home recently has really not been that bad.
as surprising as that may seem.
ive been seeing a lot of my mom.
theres something about coming home and having my mommy make
dinner for me. and bring it to me.
and ask me what i want to drink. and bring that too.
that i absolutly love. i feel so...loved.
it is such a strange and wonderful feeling.

alli flew back in today and hopefully ill be able to see
her tonight. i missed her a lot.
shes all about this joann chick and i think its so great.
i just want to see her happy.
she deserves more than i ever gave her, thats for damn
fucking sure.

i went to southern last night with jessie.
ha. yeah. me. there.
crazy, eh?
i lasted all of an hour and 15 mins.
which is actually pretty remarkable.
considering i swore i would never step foot in there.

i miss emily.

but i really dont want to think about any of that at the
moment, as bitchy as it may sound.

ive been taking care of myself the past couple of days.
because i realized i think.
that there really is no one that can, or rather maybe that
is willing to do it for me.
and i definetly am in need of some hardcore fixing
no matter what i tell myself or anyone else for that matter

i guess not kissing you right now
is the best gift that i can give you
as much as i know you want it
and baby, you know that i do to.

but the time isnt right
and it wasnt before
and im not allowing you to choose me this time
you need to be happy
you need to be loved.
and shell give you everything
that i just cant.

so please dont look at me that way
dont pick up when i call
because i cant help but do it
and you know you dont want to hear
what i will have to say

and when that awkard moment comes
when were saying goodbye for the night
dont linger there with me.
dont let me hold on to you.
and please dont say you love me too
because
you know i cant do it. you know im not good enough.
but im trying baby.
im trying to be what you need
because i need you
more than anything