Life as I know it.
2001-07-06 21:53:32 (UTC)


SO yet again i sign on to aol cause you know checking email
and all and lovely Matt is online. Its been a half an hour
does he even bother to say hi? NO. Of course not cause he
isnt TRASHED trying to talk to me. Now if he wre trashed
hed talk to me, but SOBER? NOooooooooooooooo cause that
would actually be NICE. I would say HI but I always say
Hi. And I just dont know anymore people, why do i even get
involved with men when all they do is cause me heartbreak?
Okay so i said hi okay i caved in. But of course he is
not saying hi, probably checking his email or something
else, or trying to pick up on girls or somethng. I HATE
MEN. He wants this friends thing, im giving it to him, but
argh i just wish he would be nicer about this, not as
shady. ANd if he doesnt want to be just friends then h e
shouldnt say such things. I have a feeling when i get
drunk tonight im gonna tell him some things tht need to be
said. Like im a person you know, not an object. and so
on. He makes me want to cry sometimes. I mean like last
night I ran into his friend laren who was with us on our
first date, and it was sooooooo fucking akward. She was
working at this video store when alan, julia and I came in
to rent a movie, and she is like "hi" and thats all. I
mean okay so i was the same way...i mean I just want to
know whats goin on in his head, I WILL NOT BE SECOND
CHOICE. There is someone out there for me, I thought Matt
was really really it, but i was wrong. Im always wrong. I
swear i probably have ran into many "ones" but am just to
blind to see. God if there is a perfect boy for me in a 10
mile raidus of my apartment let me meet him.