This girl's life
2001-07-06 18:53:13 (UTC)

What am I doing?

I have been with the same guy for over a year now, his name
is Jeremy. It is like I do not get him anymore. Why can we
do greta forever ten all the sudden act like we hate one
another. I do not have the energy to fight with im after
ourlast major break up so I am just trying to let go now. I
want to call him & go see him so bad but I am not going to,
it is not like his name is on my caller ID. Anyway, since I
turned 21 saturday all I do now is drink. I liek to drink
now because I do not have to deal with my life at this
point. Wednesday after Jeremy made me leave his house I
just went and got drunk & went to a party & then the club.
I guess I had fun. Their was this guy there that I have
thought was hot wasy before Jeremy & I ever even hooked up,
well we ended up switching numbers. He took me out last
night & we had a lot of fun. During the movie I kept
thining how I wish Jeremy was with me so I could lay on hm
like I always do. I missed him only during the movie. Then
we went to a few bars and got drunk. After that I was so
shitty I could ot even walk & we came back to my place.
This guy(Chris) & I had sex, I can not believe this. I had
sex with a guy that was not Jeremy. I hate myself & I just
want to die. I feel so guilty & slutty. I can not believe
he would have sex with someone that was as drunk as I was
anyway. Well at least I know he did not use me, he called
me right when he woke up this morning. He is really a cool
guy & I like him. I just have no idea what is going on
right now. Can I start a relationship when we fucked the
first night, or that I am in love with Jeremy? Ugh, I hate
all this. I have to work today & I do not feel like it. I
have a hangover bad. We are having a keg party tonight too,
ugh. But until next time.....