Lost and Searching
2002-07-30 04:37:14 (UTC)

Unforgetable or Regretable

After what happened between oscar and I, i went crazy that
following weekend....went to the legion, not intending to
do anything but drink myself to an oblivion...and while i
was succeeding at my goal, kevin came up to i
thought was a guy who i only had known from mutual was this mutual friend that invited me over
to kevin's with kevin's approval, so on a whim i decided to
go to someone's house, which i didn't remember to tell
anyone where i was going, and got up and was
great, i will admit that, but unlike the others, i don't
remember comparing him to heath, this one, held the hands,
kept the eye contact, and shit even turned on the lights,
and had a conversation before things went to far, i believe
that he doesn't know my name, and am not sure he remembers
any of it..the whole akward morning after thing didn't
happen this time, b/c annette called, and i left early,
even before the alarm that he had set went
thanks, it was great, or even a call me....

right at this moment i regret that so much...can't i find a
guy who i don't have to sleep with right away, i am tired
of people making promises that they don't keep, and others
building up hopes, when they are going to follow through....

i feel so alone, that i am not sure what to do or how to
fix it, and when people say to get out and meet new people,
well guess what i have done it, and will problably continue
to do it, but new people, always tend to slip away,

just like i am doing.