baygirl66

I Debbie...
2001-07-06 17:01:18 (UTC)

I Debbie

And so here I am again. It is Friday the 7th of July and I
can't believe that the year is half gone already. It is
purely amazing that so much has happened and yet I am still
here and me and Brian have achieved a semblance of normalcy.
The car is still our main problem but the other bills are
getting paid and I feel this is due in part to Zales and the
fact that we have been blessed. I sometimes wonder what is
going to happen next because the last time I felt so good I
was crushed under the blow of unemployment. I know the car
situation is critical and we have to find a way to get a
newer one. And Chase will get us sooner or later but for
right now I am chosing to get through one day at a time. I
don't think that is the ultimate best way of dealing with
it,but I want to get alittle better before we tackle that
dilema. Not to mention telling brian. That will not be
pleasant. He still likes to live in a fantasy land of not
worrying about bills. I think he knows that ultimately I
will handle it and in a sence I think I have enabled him to
take on this role. I don't know how to force him to take
more of an equal role. I mean why should I always be the
strong one to find a way. Again I find myself thinking that
if something should happen to me,he would have no clue how
to deal with it. He would probably end up moving back in
with his parents. I do need to tie up some loose ends,stupid
ones really/ Like the dues at Albertson's for the movie he
forgot to return for a month.And getting a belt and bag for
our vacuum cleaner so I can really clean this apt. The rug
is a disaster.Then I need to have someone look at the VCR.
Then maybe I can get my necklace out of the repair drawer at
Zales.These are so minute. I live in a dream world too at
times. I wish we could go back to a point and do things
differently. But I am not convinced that we aren't going
through this for a reason. An ultimate plan. Maybe that is
why I have met Janet and to a point Tara at Zales. Like
mirrors. Reflectors of what I think or have done. Or hope to
have.
I Debbie




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