fake plastic diary
joaquin phoenix and others
do u really wanna know why i didnt reply to u? oh so many
reasons....well, i started out as usual, happily typing
away. i get to the end of a very long email and my computer
decides it would be funny to switch itself off. so i am at
war with my computer. as a matter of principal i didnt
bother re-writing the email. just to teach it a lesson.
then, ive been dreaming alot of dreams that i remember
recently, and i had this dream where i was trying to shut
the computer down, but it went crazy. it had a virus and it
was shouting weird stuff at me and i tried to turn it off,
but stuff was coming out of the screen. and that sounds
completely made up, but it isnt! so that put me off the
bloody thing. but i was compelled back to it. needed to
look at stuff. then my cousin interrupted me as i started
my second attempt at writing to you, and i ended up going
to chaz's house for a bit.... i also wanted to see how u'd
cope without me. bet u were suicidal....well, maybe not.
oh, have u ever seen quills? i watched it last nite and it
has now found a place in my top ten films list. joaquin
phoenix has found a way in my top ten gorgeous men list. i
mean, he was fit in gladiator, but.....mmmmm.
soooooooooo.....whatv u been up to? ive done nothing
really. tonite i think im gonna go to a gig. i dont know
any of the bands, but hey, its a nite out.
i told u never to interfere with kids. the minute u pay em
any attention they just wont leave u alone. but thats
probably what u wanted isnt it, u little kiddy
fiddler.pushin the kid over in the hope u'll see her
knickers. thats just the sort of thing u'd do. much the
same as perving on ur neighbours.
alternative happy birthday? how can there possibly be an
alternative? i remember they used to pull ur hair for luck.
i never quite understood why that was lucky. i dont mind u
being cruel to retards. i hate most of the ones ive met.
the thing that really annoyed me was that primary school
there used to be a special class for all the retards, slow,
and generally thick people. they got so many nice things.
they went on about a dozen trips and got to watch films all
day. i was like a genious kid and always really well
behaved and the one trip we were supposed to go on got
cancelled cos of the bad behaviour of the kids from the
retard group. that pissed me off so much.
no, scrappy doo was an annoying little shit.
spider man wasnt worth all the hype.
i dont really care about the state of ur hair. why should
i? i mean, its interesting to read about (although i dunno
why) but thats not a motive to hate you. ive never actually
waxed my legs. the whole pain thing kinda put me off. i
always wear pants anyway, so whats the point? plus, my skin
would get fucked. its sensitive. aw. it gets messed up from
using a razor, so to wax would be like suicide.
u know what i like about bands such as my vitriol? theyr
successful and good enough to chart, but not very high.
which is good cos otherwise they would just be sell outs.
and when u get into this music u dont want ur bands to sell
out. anyway, i would rather listen to a decent unknown band
than listen to some high charting pop shit. so dont diss
em. especially if uve not heard the song. besides, its not
as if someone like gareth gates is going to go down in
history on a level with the beatles. theres never gonna be
anyone who can achieve the notority of bands like the
beatles, nirvana, queen, the sex pistols, elvis and all the
other really great people. also, its only fashionable to
have holes in ur jeans if u are a member of the strokes.
and sadly ur not. the strokes are all so gorgeous. except
for nicolai the bass player who is an ugly fucker.
no, impressed with ur thomas the tank quilt and
accessories. ur not beating thomas. when i was little i
used to love going on the thomas steam train, and also the
santas special. have u ever been on a steam train? cos the
other day i was talking to sumone whos never been on one
and i thought that was weird.
i got a thing from summer school this moring telling me
what we're gonna be doin. its all totally free. we're goin
bowling, cinema, laser quest, out for a meal and we're
having a party. during the day theres two workshops a day
and in groups we're gonna make a short film, learning how
to script, film, edit and all sorts of stuff. cant wait now!
i dont love you. that would be stupid. like saying that u
love a celebrity or something. if u see what i mean. but i
have missed talking to you. i started writing in my diary
again and thats always a sign of madness. i cant keep up
with writing diaries. u get like two weeks of writing
everyday then i cant be arsed and the rest of the empty
days get filled up with little lists of things i like and
stories and song lyrics etc.
im gonna send this now before this bloody thing gets
visited by the fuck-up faries again.
hows ur life? mine is stupid. god, last nite was totally
ridiculous. it was one of those nites where everything goes
wrong, but still ends up being fun.
there were about ten of us goin to a gig at the roadhouse,
me an chaz got in, then xen tried to get in, but they asked
how old she was. last time we went to the venue u had to be
14 to get in, so she said she was 15. but this time u had
to be 16 to get in, so we couldnt go to the gig. and they
wouldnt give us our money back......... so then xen fell
out with laura because xen told the bouncer that laura was
only 15 too. and laura started being a total bitch. again.
so she went off with sam, stef and gaz. leaving me, chaz,
xen, mark a.k.a tubs (xens boyf), popey and mark (tubs and
xens mate who has bright red hair) we were supposed to be
staying at sams house, and all our stuff was there,but we
fell out with sam so we couldnt get it. it was too late to
do anything in town, cos the last bus comes pretty early.so
we went back to popeys house but we couldnt stay there. and
so we pitched a tent in my garden but my dad came home and
told us to go away, cos the last time we camped in my
garden everyone got pissed, we knocked the shed down and
burnt it and the neighbours complained .so we got the tent,
still half up, and carried it all the way to chazs
house.then her mum said we couldnt stay there. but in the
end it was about 12.30 so we had to stay there put the tent
up. then mike and popey got pissed but the rest of us
couldnt be arsed. mike is a complete lightweight. he got
totally off his head off 2 litres of cider. he went totally
mad. really giddy. so chazs mum woke up and made us go away
untill mike was sober. so, wearing our sleeping bags we
went to texaco garage. it was about 1am. the guy who works
there was pissed! so he gave us loads of free food and free
coffee. then mike started spewing up cider. so chaz fed him
coffee. then these two guys on bikes came up to us, about
2am, when we were still at texaco. we got into a big
debate about music. they were just rippin mike
totally .eventually he was sober enuff to walk, so we went
back and the three lads slept in the tent and us three
girls slept inside. today they all went to sams to get
their stuff back. then chaz went to work and everyone else
went to town, but i was not in the mood so i stayed in.
also i had to go get some stuff from my grandma. chilled
out for the rest of the afti.
what if i did suddenly die....like if i killed myself. u
wouldnt know would u? ever. u would just think that i
stopped liking u. i should stop thinking like this.
what was the film that u wanted so much? i wish i had a
shit load of money to waste on stuff. i am currently broke.
no money at all. i spent my last tenner on bus fare and a
pair of brown pants. ive started buying clothes that i
wouldnt normally buy. just to be different. quills is now
in my top ten list. i dunno if ud like it tho. i think u
would. actually, no. my top ten list is (well, it changes,
but at the mo) (in no particular order) clockwork orange,
saving private ryan, watership down, quills, reservoir
dogs, beauty and the beast, schindlers list, catch 22, A.I
and the godfather pt 2.
ive said it before, i dont care if we're gonna get hit by
asteroids. i cant do anything about it.
i dont do anniversaries, due to my fish-like memory. if i
begin by saying that i do not do anniversaries, then nobody
can shout at me when i forget them. nice of u to remember
tho. sorry.....i probably should say happy anniversary!
happy now? have i really sent u 116 emails? bloody hell.
thats a lot. im not surprised ur bored of me! well done.
you have finally reached the stage that most people reach
within 5 minutes of meeting me. you have realised that i am
boring! i dont do anything fun. i am very sad and not at
all funny or interesting. i chat a lot of shit about
nothing. you dont like me anymore cos theres nothing more
to like about me. u know me too well. uve stolen me soul.
theres nothing left goddammit! nah, i do understand what u
mean. just dunno what to say. time for a good sigh. *sigh*.
love you loads, computers about to crash, bye honey!!!! xxx