2001-07-06 05:24:31 (UTC)


so today i write my first entry...its been awhile since ive
written in a diary...i use to do it religiously..but
sometimes we just forget to do things. i guess i wanted to
start again cuz my friend heather does this and she says
its such a release. and god knows i could use that right
now. who would have thought being at home would be more
stressful than being at school...but it is. my friends here
are so different than my friends at school. not bad
different just different. sometimes its hard to relate to
them anymore. ever since ive been home from switzerland ive
felt like an outsider...oh it comes and goes now..but u
know..no one really seems to understand when i act kind of
funny or when i get that far away look in my eye...it was
my HOME for a year...its hard to just give that up..i want
to go back in soo many ways...and at the same time im
afraid to...i know it wont be the same...but for some
reason i didnt feel like i had to pretend to be anyone
there...i was me for better or worse...here i feel like i
have to fit a mold...and i know today is just one of those
days....but i dont want these days to start coming again. i
have no real problems nothing big...they're all rather
petty in fact which makes it even worse for me cuz than i
feel guilty for feeling this way when other people
have "real" problems...but this entry probably doesnt make
much sense...so im gonna go to sleep now...maybe next time
it will be more coherent.