clueless

nobody cares
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2002-07-29 01:58:09 (UTC)

so ya i told my mother today..

so ya i told my mother today how much i thought my dad is
an jerk when hes around my friends
like really he'll tell them that they are too fat and have
to loose some wieght and i thought u know one mistack i can
forgive him but now he has manage to put down everyone of
my friends that have been over here. the other day i had a
guy friend come over(i wont say his name because some of my
friends read this) and my dad started to say to him so i
see ur putting on some wieght huh? probably from ur workand
being lazy. i tried to stand up and defend him because it
was no right of his to say that and really he wasnt getting
fat if anything hes only filling out and then later on he
(my friend) told me that he thought my dad didnt like him
and i think no i know my dad scared him away because i
havent heard from him since and we were starting to really
get along well. my mother it seems like she knows
everything (NOT) and she treats me with no respect another
thing that i actually told her because get this when it
comes to anything it is like shell do anything for anyone
in the house but me. u want an ex" ok for meals for example
well breakfast im really fussy so shell ofcourse make a
meal that she knows i dont like or care for and serve
everyone but me and i have to make my own meal which im
kinda ok with but still and a even better ex: for supper
shell serve everyone but me and she tells me to serve
myself.
my dad she serves him because hes a big baby, my brother
well his arm is broken right now so ok, my aunt shes
handicaped so she uses that reason but she always gets in a
fuss because she has too much food in her plate and shes
capable of putting her own amount. would it really kill her
to serve me too?i dont think so.
and thats just the smallest things
and iasked her y cant she serve me too and she says "well
sara i thought ur going on 17?
ok my dad is over 40
my aunt is 35
my brother well hes 14 but his arm is broken
so really COME ON
ya lately i feel like i dont belong in this family because
nobody ever listens to me, never wants to spend anytime
with me(besides making me work like labour work) and nobody
cares
all my friends have busy lifes and i have to stick home
doing nothing all the time and i cant stand being alone
because when im with people atleast i know im safe and i
wont try to hurt myself to try to escape all this pain.
i know that might seem selfish of me and i dont really care
because lately i have let people walk all over me
i havent been myself and my friends have seen that and now
my family is starting to figure that out
and they start asking me whats wrong alot lately and really
i dont want them to know i have issues because im afraid of
what they might do.and really i dont want to know
i know i seriously need help because i cant go the rest of
my life crying myself to sleep every morning and wake up i
ask myself to go through another painful day living with a
mmask on my face
but lately i havent been the cheerful loving person that i
make myself appear and i thin the reason is because im
holding back to much emotions and now there catching up to
me and the thing that bothers me the most is i dont have
the chance to expirement things... not things that can get
me into trouble like getting pregnate or drugs and shit
like that just stuff like being with someone in a
relationship instead of all this dating crap, or being with
another girl for just one night sexually but right now i
guess thats one of my smallest promblems. but what i really
dont understand is how my life got twisted upside down. its
like i know weve had problems in the past but it seems like
lately they all have been rising to the surface and i have
no clue what to do next
anyways im gonna stop rambling on and go now
i hope i meet someone that can take me away from all this
pain soon
sayrah


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