2001-07-06 00:57:43 (UTC)

fuck fuck fuck

i hate myself for hurting you.
thats something that i never
never fucking wanted to ever do.
but still...i did.

because of me there is more pain in your life
and i dont want to be a part of that.
but i guess maybe every time you leave yourself open
for someone.
you are acepting the fact that you WILL get hurt
by something
some time
and maybe you just have to see which there is more of
or saddness
and then decide...
i just wish that i didnt have to be associated with
anythign that would ever make you sad.
you know.
because i love you.
and i dont ever want you to hurt.
especially on my account.
because that just makes it so fuckign much worse.

and you tell me that youll get over it.
that YOU have to grow up.
and i dont know how to get you to understand
that YOU are not the one at fault.
YOU didnt do anything wrong.
and you shouldnt have to change for the world.
people do that too much.
youre right in assuming that you should be happy.
you should
you should have a happy fucking life
and be VERY VERY VERY fucking happy.
you know.
and youre right in assuming that people who love you
shouldnt hurt you
and you shouldnt think that you deserve it.
or that theres somethign wrong with you
because it hurts you.
you know.
you shouldnt have to get over anything
because there shouldnt have to be anything to get over.
i hate this fucking shit
i hate it
i hate that i was any fucking part of it.
i hate when you know
like the first fucking time in my life
i try to do something fucking right
and good.
you know.
it gets fucked up.
and its like, i was indirectly involved.
and i didnt want to be.
i just fucking didnt want to fucking be.

fuck fuck fuck
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