2002-07-27 19:00:43 (UTC)

i guess i just wanted you to see...

that it was all worth it to me..

well im sick and that pretty much sucks. im about to go
home and fall back into bed but i came by to see my mom
first so she wont be upset... i quit my job last week,
then they called me to come back, so i went in last night
even though i felt sick and they had no one on the schedule
to work with me so i left. fuck them. im tired of people
fucking with me and im just not taking it anymore. like
todd's been such an asshole to me, i dont know why, and
when i say i dont care.. i really mean it.who the fuck is
he? he is no one to me. anyway. my phone rang all last
night, random people i never even talk to, and people i
never hear from anymore, but not him... i never see him on
fridays and saturdays. and i wonder, is he with her? i
thought her picture was gone but is something so trivial
when im totally trashed really any kind of reassurance?
no. its not. and why should i care? obviously he doesnt
love her, he couldnt love her and still be with me half
the time. but still. if hed rather be with her. i dont
know. im trying really hard to not go crazy on him and
thinking is the best way to fuck that up. im too sick to
think about it all anyway. i just wish i understood him.
and im scared that it'll end the same way, always like
this, then fucked up, then like this..... and im so tired
of it and every time i think, its different... i need to go
home and go to bed. im going to take that kodeine (?) or
whatever i have and then when he doesnt call i wont even