The Best & Worst of Times
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2002-07-27 06:46:38 (UTC)


Dear Diary,
I've tried keeping personal journals but, always end up
slacking off until I don't write in them at all for a year
and have to start all over again. I'm hoping an online
journal might be a little better for me.
Anyways, after 1 gay ex-boyfriend, 1 cross-dressing ex-
boyfriend, 1 gay and drug addicted ex-boyfriend, a gay prom
date, and 4 gay "best friends", not to mention after 2 1/2
years of being utterly alone, I MET SOMEONE! Woo woo!
I'm not fooling myself and being like "Oh, he's the one"
or "I'm so in love". I hate it when girls do that after
like one week, or with every single guy they're with. But,
he likes me, and...I like him. I was reluctant to say it
at first, worried that it might jinx it or that the moment
I admitted it, I would regret it. But, screw that! He
treats me really nice and we'll comfortable being around
each other and, it just feel nice to be with someone. Is
that so wrong?
Okay, so here's how it happened. I was in the mood one day
to play a matching game, where you have to turn cards over
and match them, so I typed in www.match.com, not even
considering that it could be a dating site. Once there, in
my boredom, I thought "What the heck?" and filled out a
profile. I'm not looking for love (I hate people who do
that) but I thought it might be fun to see who wrote to me,
maybe make some friends. Who knows, right? Well, as soon
as my profile was up, I had a few guys e-mail me. A couple
were a lot older than I was looking for, some stopped
speaking to me once they saw that I didn't look like Cindy
Crawford, and a couple just seemed to fade away. But, from
the first e-mail, one guy just caught my interest. So, we
e-mailed each other. Then, we IM'd each other. Then, he
gave me his phone #. Then, he got mine. He wanted to
meet, though I wasn't quite sure I was ready. There was a
lot going on in my life and it just didn't seem like a good
time for me, but he persisted, saying that I needed him to
cheer me up now more than ever. So, the stars seemed to
align one day and he picked me up at a local restaurant.
On the first date, things went well. We got along
splendidly, laughing a lot, talking easily to each other.
We had a lot of things in common...and some not, but he was
a gentleman, opening doors and pulling out chairs and
paying for everything and, being that I have had NO luck
with guys, it was quite nice.
The next week, we went out again. It was a pretty relaxed
night where I had the chance to meet his mom and her
boyfriend, his sister and a couple of his friends. After
dinner, we had no plans, so we drove around for a while.
First, he puts on jazz music. Then takes me to
his "favorite spot", a lake with palm trees around it.
Now, I'm not really smooth with guys but, the signs are
obvious enough that this guy is going to make a move. And,
to be quite honest, I was making clear signs that I would
accept. So, we began kissing. At first, it did nothing
for me but, I was a little rusty so, it just had all the
weirdness that a first kiss has. He asks if I want to feel
really good and, curious, I ask him what he has in mind.
He asks if I trust him and, I remind him that I hardly know
him. So, he begins to unbutton my shirt. I let him get
about three buttons undone before I tell him that's
enough. I mean, I'm a virgin and this guy's already gotten
further with me on our second date than I've ever been
before! I've never even been groped! So, we kissed for a
while before he finally brought me home.
The next week was a little weird. As I said, it had been a
while since I've seen anybody so, kissing meant more to me
than it may have meant for anybody else. Well, he didn't
write. And he didn't call. And, the insecurity started
eating away at me. Did I do something wrong? Was I a bad
But, I did my best to be optimistic and confident and
decided to call him to see if he wanted to join me, my
parents and some friends at a comedy club tonight. He
agreed to meet me there.
So, a little nervous that he might stand me up and then
just blow me off, I got ready for our third date. HE
CAME! It was cute because, the first time my dad saw him,
he was driving on the road right next to us at an
intersection! We planned on getting there early since
everyone was there to meet us, and he planned on getting
there early to change his clothes and his shoes! When we
saw him, it was too late for him to change! We waved at
him and he ended up following us the rest of the way. We
had a great time at the comedy club, right in the front
row. The comedians picked on him INCESSENTLY, which made
me feel a little defensive of him, but he handled it
great. I left with him as my parents drove home, calling
me to let me know that my father liked his handshake. We
went to a type of club/bar/restaurant in the area but,
before we got out of the car, we ended up kissing again.
This time, I liked it. NO COMPLAINTS! It was just so
nice, and he tells me I'm cute or beautiful, and that I
look great, and that I'm smart and he loves my laugh, my
eyes, my hair, my lips. Oh my goodness, and after we
kissed tonight, he says "You really look great tonight.
You smell great. You taste great." OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH
MY GOODNESS! Oh. My. Goodness. That did it for me,
right there.
We went inside and talked about anything and everything.
He told me his parents, sister and friends all had good
things to say about me, and that he's talked to a couple of
his friends about me, and I told him the same. One time,
at the bar, he looked at me a certain way. Niether of us
our out of this world supermodels but, the look in his eye
just totally got to me.
After that, he took me home. I was willing to stay with
him a while longer, but he seemed tired so, I didn't put up
much of a fight. Once again, he walked me to my door,
kissed me goodnight, and drove off. And, I'm taking the
risk to admit that, Yes, I like him.
We started to talk about making plans for next weekend
when, he said that he'd actually like to see me in the
middle of the week, if it was possible. Then he remembered
that we wanted to see Austin Powers: Goldmember and we
decided that we'll get together to see it this Sunday.
This Sunday! I don't have to wait a week this time! Woo
Like I said, both feet on the ground, I am NOT in love.
But, I do know I would like to be someday. Meanwhile, I
would like for this, whatever it may be, to work out. Wish
me luck.