baby doll

a day in the life . . .
2002-07-27 05:48:34 (UTC)

late nights do wonders

song that's been in my head all day:
american pie by don mclean

so i know it's really late at night. i realize i have a
distorted view of - well, pretty much everything - late at
night. i just got back from abby's house. there weren't too
many people there. i saw olie and "the other kate" for the
first time all summer.

okay, i'll stop beating around the bush and get straight to
the point: i am a true flirt. it's horrible. i swear any
guy that breathes attracts me. most i have good sense to
stay away from, but i can be a humongous flirt.

i mean, sometimes even olie attracts me. no offense to him,
he's a great guy, but i think i just want flirt with him to
flirt. it's actually really fun.

there were other guys there . . . abby's brother chad and
his friends. most of them are college age and all, but i
can't help wanting to flirt. even with abby's brother! he's
almost seven years older than me! and one of chad's
friends, i don't even know his name, was there - i know him
as "that hot guy i always see at school." i didn't know he
and chad were friends. i was really proud of myself though,
i stayed far away.

that's one of the reasons i'm afraid about the whole nate
situation. i like him a lot, but i know i also like to
flirt. i never want to hurt him. ever. i've already been
through that. but sometimes i don't trust myself around
guys. i mean, come on, i'm only fifteen years old! i don't
think i can commit to one guy. the world of men has just
discovered me and i don't want to trap myself in just one
guy. sometimes.

other times i want a steady relationship. by the way, i
never actually talk about this stuff, but i figure - what
is this online thing for? anyway, i really like being with
nate. i feel so safe and happy with him. i know he loves
me, he's told me that. oh and that's another story. it's
like that one episode of "friends" - "i said, 'i love you'
and she said 'thank you.'" that's sort of what happened
with me. he told me he loves me and i said "bye." is that
horrible? i still haven't told him i love him. i think i
might, but i'm not sure enough to say. it's so confusing. i
mean, i know he cares, but sometimes i wonder what else is
out there . . .

all i know right now is nate hasn't even been gone two days
and i miss him. i think. and i'm shutting up because i
can't figure myself out.

bradie - go to sleep! nate - make bradie go to sleep!

bradie




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