GetItAllOut

Bitch Session
2001-07-05 14:55:27 (UTC)

Sins of the Past

Things have been going really well for quite a while, so
that's mostly why I havent written. Last night really ended
badly so here I am to write again.

It all started over my mentioning being in a house fire one
July 4th. I said I was staying with a friend over the
holiday and we woke up on the morning of the 5th to find
his apartment on fire. It was an innocent story I told in a
circle of friends about fireworks fiascos. In my story,
someone had set off a rocket that had landed on the roof of
his apartment and smoldered there overnight, eventually
setting the roof on fire. Boy did I pay for my story
exchange later! I got put through the 5th degree about
this guy in my past, almost 15 YEARS in my past! I was
accused of not telling everything because he hadnt heard
the house fire story before. Ultimately I was held in
judgment of my relationship, or lack thereof, with him and
with all other men previously in my life. I have always
been very open and honest in discussing all the men in my
past and have volunteered that information to give him more
of an understanding of my psyche. Now I certainly pay the
price! Doesnt matter how many women he was with the year
before I met him, the double standard is alive and well in
his mind. He can have a past full of meaningless fucks, but
God forbid the woman in his life should have any similar
experience!

Ultimately, in attempt at defending his feelings, he said
he just had to know that he is something more than just one
of THOSE to me in my life. And this is after we've been
together, very much IN LOVE, for almost a YEAR AND A
HALF!!! WTF??? That one pretty much blew my mind. I
turned the light on and told him if that was really the way
he felt and if he had to question that at THIS point in our
relationship that he could get up out of bed and leave the
house that minute. Of course he didnt and I eventually got
the apology. But that doesnt make it all better and make it
go away. He cant tell me when he'll be able to reconcile
all this and leave the past in the past. In the meantime,
it really stinks to go through this kind of judgment from
the person who loves you most in this life.