Jeff

A Ballad of Excellent Destruction
2001-07-05 09:15:31 (UTC)

aint that a kick in the dick?

::music playing:: skinnypuppy ::celler heart::
::mood::fed up


"iv been a mite bit busy, haven't had time to write in
here".
I feel as if the structure of my surroundings is beginning
to topple, people seem a bit distant, like I've gone and
fucked something up. If have done something wrong i would
expect this type of recoil, but i cant place my finger upon
it, maybe im just getting worried over nothing? falling to
resort to the things i do on a Daly bases, because their
losing their luster. i don't feel the need to smoke herb
any more or engage in getting drunk or messed up, i don't
even want to see diesel boy spin tomorrow, i don't want to
awaken, i feel as if iv accomplished all i need to in this
life. its not suicide talk its just apathy, im sick of
being here, stuck on this plateau, so if this is all life
has in store for me, then fuck it! im better off sleeping.
im even afraid to go outside, from fear of being chased by
the cops again, or arrested if that, the cops around here
are cocks, the can harass you if you walking down the
street, we used to freely walk around at night, not worry
about any thing, until last summer when all the shit
started, like when the little black kid pulled a razor
blade on me after i told him i didn't have change for a 20.
Needless to say i beat the shit out of him, which infused a
small gang war in my neighborhood, my
friend "clobberingtime" got sliced in the neck, back and
face, while is friend "tommygun" was fending off 2 kids
with baseball bats while he was drunk. now i don't feel
safe in this shit hole of a town, not because of that but
because it lettered with roving gangs of section 8 kids,
with no moral or parental control, is this what life is
coming to? deadbeat dads and impudent kids, moms whom spit
out baby after baby cause they know the government will
still keep paying them to sit on their ass. why did i go to
school?, why do i need a job? why bother waking up to it
all?


maybe im just irate or maybe im just lonely, but im glad
everyone meets their special someone through me,