keeping my hands in the air
Ad 0:
2002-07-26 00:09:10 (UTC)


well something happened last nite w/ corey. it was kinda
weird actually and it was something i never in a million
years thought i would have ever done. now, i don't know if
i can trust myself w/ the guys anymore. i don't know.
maybe im not strong enough. the thing is though, i now
realize how hard it's going to be to save myself for
marriage--i realize more the temptation of it. and that's
what scares. i actually have been protected from the whole
sex scene. i had always believed i was a good girl and im
strong enough to just say no. well, i didn't have sex w/
corey, but what happened was just something so unlike me.
i never knew this side of me and it's making me a little
bit nervous. and i've never known that side of corey
before. the thing is though--even though i can't believe
that i did what i did, i don't regret it. i don't know if
i ever will regret it. i also don't know if i'll let it
happen again or not. when i think about what happened, i
find myself wondering if before this, i was
pretty "square." i was/am what you would call pure and
innocent. now im not so sure. i mean, im not a wild girl
who goes out to have sex every night. but im not as
innocent as i thought i was. now, i feel like i kinda have
a grip on myself. earlier i was going crazy with
frustration. i don't know who i am anymore. or maybe now i
know a more about myself. this is crazy.