Kat Eyes
2002-07-25 20:20:59 (UTC)

july 25, 2002

omg my life is so over as of the minute lissa and dad walk
through the front door. brandi, joe, nick & i have been
pulling off the sneaking-out thing for 3 nights. but last
night brandi chickened out and joe couldn't get out b/c his
rents set the alram. but nick snuck out and so did i and we
got caught. it was horrible. nick told me he'd meet my at
my window. but as soon as i went to bed i thought "screw
this hes not getting out i'm goin over there" so i did and
i knocked on his window. well his grandma was taking the
dog outside so nick was right behind her. nick and i ended
up talking to his grandma for a while and she knows we o
out and stuff and she wants us to be together too. she
likes me, and i met nicms mom and i'm pretty sure she likes
me too. but his grandma doesn't approve of us sneaking
around so we can be together. to be honest, i don't either
b/c i didn't wanna get caught but i wanted to see him and
it was the only way. but anyways we went back to my house
and we just sat around and then we heard a noise. we
completely froze. then we heard it again and i went into my
room and nick stood up and was just looking around b/c he
didn't know where the noise was coming from. well uncle
matt went to take the trash out and to get the keys out of
the xterra. he didn't have his contacts in, so he didn't
see nick's face but he did see a person and that was enough
for him to ruin it. and matt saw my window open and he was
pissed as all holy hell. he has never met nick or anything
but if he tells dad and lissa that he saw someone outside
my window they'll both know it was nick. and plus daniell
still likes him! (i'm pretty sure) she doesn't know that i
like him, let alone go out w/ him. and she doesn't know
about any of the trouble i've been getting into w/ nick.
this is so hard i wish i could just come out in the freggin
open and be like BITCH I GO OUT W/ NICK AND IF YOU DON'T
can't. and at first, b/c i got busted walking w/ him i
figured i could earn trust back but now i dunno if i can or
not. i don't know whats gotten into me lately. i just think
that i'm so mad that lissa and dad think that tey can tell
me who i can and can't see that i just do whatever i can to
be w/ nick. i want to be w/ him and everyone be ok w/ it
but this is me we're talking about and nothing ever happens
the way i'd like it to. i prayed and prayed and prayed last
night asking god to help me get into very minor trouble. i
know i deserve to be punished. I KNOW THAT. i'll take any
punishment (BRING IT ON) just as long as i can be w/ nick.
but i'm afraid thats my punishment: that i can't see him.
and it sucks so bad.so now i'm just waiting for them to get
home and matt to come home from work and then my life to
colapse beneath me. if i'm alive tomorrow, i'll write about
it and explain how many days i have left to live