2002-07-25 17:58:43 (UTC)

Eloquent things

Its been almost a year since I've written in here. I had
almost forgotten about this diary thing, almost forgotton
about last year...

So much has happened, and I can't believe that 2 years have
already passed so quickly. I still feel like a lost little
freshman. Where did all the time go? Are you sure I'm going
to be a junior? Time goes so quickly, and we never know
exactly where it goes. All into memory I suppose.

Its been so long since I have heard the deep thoughts that
inspired most of these entrys. Haven't talked to him in
ages almost... Just like the usual beginning of school, football
season is beginning, new friends & old reunited, and everyone is
hoping to catch the eye of another. The majority of my posse have
their significant others close to their side, making the singles
feeling incomplete and singled out. Although I thank god for the
friends that break that mold. And the ones who remain friends even
when we all know that they are more. All i can say, is I'm glad
they're not taking advice from me, cuz we all could've missed out on
something good. Like in matt and roxanne's case. I had that totally
wrong from the beginning, and I am happy to admit it. When you're
with them, you just forget that they are a couple sometimes. They
know the difference between being "together" and being friends,
cuz they've been both. I never thought it could work like
that. It brings a little hope into friendships. A hope of a little
something more hiding beneath the "friends" title. And the
small hope, maybe, of finding love there...

Dad is gone. We more or less (mostly more) kicked him out.
There are mutual feelings of good riddance, from all of us.
Although I am sure he will never give up fighting back. It
started out sad, and now.... now its just a fight. And if I
don't stay strong for my mom, everything will fall apart...
or has it already? And if it has, then what am I still fighting for...

72 hours. This diary seems to be comfort in these times of
pain and hunger. I succeeded in this once and I am
determined to do the same this year. An empty stomach is at least a
diversion from all the screaming going on around me. I can never fall
asleep at night tho... I always stay up looking at magazines,
occasionally glancing over at my twisted refelction in the mirror. I
say to myself, "I used to be beautiful. Didn't I?" I sit up trying to
think, but there's no fuel to burn. So i stay awake all night
forcing my self to imagine glad things and happier times, hoping
those will end in happy dreams. Dreams of last year even. When
everything was simpler. A time when you breathed those eloquent words
that gave me inspiration. Now the lack of them leave me only with
memory, and even more to compose. Those times are found only on
playback now- a glimpse into the past... my daydreams