redstarfish2

No Matter How Hard I Try...
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2002-07-25 08:05:53 (UTC)

If Only..and about my night

You know those nights were you cant sleep no matter how
hard you try? And you make every attempt at anything that
will possibly make you tired but it doesn't work and there
is no reason for you to be so awake? Then, you want to do
something constructive or you have something you need to do
anyways, and are in the mood to do it but can't becasue you
don't want to wake anyone in the house up? And then you
decided just to get on the computer cuz you have no life
and laying in the silence causes you to think which always
turns out negatively. Even if you have no idea what I am
saying and I sound totally psycho, this is one of those
nights for me. Here it is 3:46AM and where am I? Not
nestled in my nice, soft, warm bed...which is my enemy
right now because thinking...as I said...will turn out
negatively...I'm at the computer. I already wrote a poem
and VERY VERY quietly put the dishes in the sink into the
dishwasher and cleaned the kitchen. (The kitchen is in the
middle of the house and there are bedrooms on both ends of
the house). I can't sleep! lol..help me...anyways...here is
my poem then back to my talking....
***
If Only

If you only knew,
How strong my feelings for you,
If you only knew,
How much I mean it,
When I say I love you.

With time my love for you only grows,
And like a fountain it overflows,
Flooding my heart through my eyes,
I love you more than you realize.

If you'd only make my wish come true,
I just want to be with you,
To breahte your breath,
To feel your warmth.

I know you feel some of what I do,
I sit here and think of what I'd do,
For another chance to be with you.

~Ashley Bott
6/24/02

***
Ok, back to my talking...yes...that poem has to do with
someone and something at some point in time and only
Jessica has any clue what I am talking about. All the rest
of you think I am a raving lunatic. lol. I might be...you'd
never know. lol. Anyways, *sigh* I'm not even tired. But I
know I need to wake up by 10 tomorrow to do my laundry. I
tried laying in the silent dark, which is awesome I love
it, for 2 hours. All I did was think about my life and some
events in it and it took me nowhere. All I though were bad
things to solve my problems. No, no death or injury.
Although...j/k. I'm not that mean. Really, I'm not. (Am I
convincing you or myself of that? lol) Well, I am just
counting the mintues that pass. It is now 3:56AM. Am I just
going to somehow pull an all-nighter and look like the dead
tomorrow? I might do some stuff with Trika and her bf
(Fred) and her bf's friend (Terry). Yeah, by the way, Terry
does like me and thinks I'm hott. I am not beautiful, cute,
hott, etc. You males are all bllind and I REFUSE to believe
any of you. And if anyone who is reading this is curious
about what I look like...go to my website. When you bring
up my diary, up at the top....(if you don't select an entry
to read first) and down below the entries....(if you have
selected one) there is a link to my website...you can check
it out and leave me a message if you want :) Well, this has
turned out to be a long entry. I'll end with my minute
counting. It is now 4:03AM...I am doomed to no sleep...I'll
go to something online to entertain me. If you're online
and wanna talk my AIM screen name is redstarfish2...my MSN
Messenger screen name is [email protected], which is
also my e-mail. My yahoo name is redstarfish2...but I'm not
on Yahoo right now...I rarely am. I'm also not on MSN
Messenger..it won't let me connect. It's being gay. But I'm
always on AIM and MSN Messenger (unless of course it's
being gay) So IM me if you want to. Hope you are all having
a great night sleep cuz you SUCK! :) Good night, Good
morning, Good afternoon, or Good evening to all of you. :)


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