Jack's Twisted Kingdom
2002-07-25 06:44:53 (UTC)

Women... I not be as confused...

Kay, before all of you women who read my diary
decide to castrate me, I was sent this BY a woman...

Okay? PLEASE... Don't kill me....

Words Women Use:

This is the word we use at the end of any argument
that we feel we are right about but need to shut
you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks.
This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five
minutes that your football game is going to last
before you take out the trash, so I feel that it's an
even trade.

This means something and you should be on
your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the
feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out,
upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually
signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes"
and end with the word "Fine."

GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows)

This is a dare. One that will result in a woman
getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the
word "Fine."

GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want
because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow
"Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by
"Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about
"Five Minutes" when she cools off.

This is not actually a word, but is still
often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A
"Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that
moment and wonders why she is wasting her time
standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing."

Again, not a word, but a verbal statement.
"Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men
actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is
to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a
woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that
she wants to think long and hard before paying you
retributions for what ever it is that you have done.
"That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and
used in conjunction with a raised
eyebrow "Go Ahead." At some point in the near future
when she has plotted and planned, you are going
to be in some mighty big trouble.

This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is
giving you the chance to come up with whatever
excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is
that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell
the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a
"That's Okay."

A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say
'You're welcome.'

This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will
say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked
off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in
some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud
Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the
"Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing."


A Woman's Lament:

The nice men are ugly.

The handsome men are not nice.

The handsome and nice men are gay.

The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.

The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have
no money.

The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with
money think we are only after their money.

The handsome men without money are after our money.

The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat
heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.

The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual,
somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.

The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and
have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy

The men who never make the first move, automatically lose
interest in us when we take the initiative.

And yet, WOMEN are the CONFUSING sex???