DayDream Believer
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2002-07-25 06:22:39 (UTC)

I will survive

About the whole weekend S* vs. Tommy incident..

Maybe, or actually if, I had done it one year ago, then Im
sure it would have been me and S*, we where so right for
each other.
But things change, Im sorry for that, maybe its not fair,
maybe its my foult, maybe it was meant to happend this way
or maybe he was meant for me.
All I know is that he saved me for a while, he was my
reason to survive, to get up in the morning, to preserve
school, he was the one who made me smile and laught, the
reason I was finaly happy agen, the reason I sleept with my
phone on and the reason I was so full of hope!
But time heas changed and what was is no longer, I love
him , he will always have a special place in my hart, maybe
we will one day go back to what we had, cause thats what I
really want, all those moments and joy`s that we once had.
I know I cant get it back, well things can never be as they
once where, im not 16 and scared of the future anymore, now
Im 18, Im the future.

Maybe I allready knew that we where not gonna happend
allready before I went to see him last Friday, like I just
needed one last confrim.
I dont regret comming with him inside, laying naked in his
beed, the kissing part -that was our moment, we have been
waiting so long for that to happend, but I dont regret the
leaving part eather.
So; for so long S*, so long..

Im not all that sad about it, I think that little scene in
the morning where he puched me away when I was going to
give him a goodbye kiss helped me get over it.
But I`ve been a mess lately, thats true.
Im realising more and more whos much Im in love, with Tommy.
The thinh is that I dont feel like I know where I stand
anymore, a while ago he said that he was so much in love
with me.But I know that he got an reaction when I said thet
I needed some time.
And Im also so scared that he will get sick of me, so these
last days I`ve been avoiding him so he wont get sick of me.
I stil have that "I love you problem" I cant se why such a
great person should ever care about me.
You should see him, he`s so butiful, got this extremly sexy
body (wow) he`s always steady, happy and gives me a lot of
Im in love, maybe I`ve knew it for a long time, I think
I`ve been denighing it.
This weekend Im gonna sleep over at his place (I think its
the forth weekend on a row) and them Im gonna say that I
need to know where he stands.
Og my Good, he`s all Im thinking of, ever since I got this
S* of my shoulder he`s been everything thats on my mind,
its like Im in a Tommy-koma.

A verry much in love Angel

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