Mandy Kay

Various Ramblings About My Week, Kids, and Sex

7/3/01 6:00 PM
Current mood: REALLY tired, happy to be makin money
(finally!), ready for some dinner, and my leg hurts like
the dickens. Whatever the dickens are, I think I now
know. PAIN....
Currents music: None playing, but I have "Suspension
without Suspense" by No Doubt in one corner of my head,
and "The Long and Winding Road" by the Beatles in the
other. Time to put the Beatles cd on..ahhh :)
but anyway none of that matters, b/c I AM BACK!!!!! So
here's what I've been up to. Sunday, I woke up and I was
so SORE. I don't even know WHY. So we ended up not going
to church and the whole day was totally thrown off for me,
like whooaaa! Church was at 10 instead of 11 for the so
called "holiday weekend" and my parents woke up at 9:45 b/c
they didn't set an alarm (dumb). The whooole day they were
complaining about how they slept in SO late, and I was
like, right. Listen here, I am NOT impressed, b/c I get up
at noon every day! You're just amateurs..nice try. haha!
So I was feeling really bad, and I was very worried that I
would not be able to go babysit on Monday.
I was just sorta sitting around the whole day feeling
bad for myself, and then we went to the video store and got
some stuff, which took FOREVER. Then we went to go see my
grandma in the hospital, and my dad nearly assaulted a
doctor, as he does everytime, b/c he always gets grumpy
when people are mean to his mommy. I don't blame him,
usually all the doctors today are real assholes about the
dumbest stuff. This one intern said she needed speech
therapy, which is BS plain and simple. Even I know that
and I didn't go to medical school.
Oh and that reminds me. Guess who called today!
Donna from Mary Baldwin college. I guess I should back up
here- about a year ago, maybe more, I got this application
in the mail for this program, "Gifted Young Women" somethin
or another..anyway, you can start in 8th grade, and you
basically take college courses instead of high school.
Crazy huh?! I got the application for it last year in 8th
grade, but my mom didn't want me to go b/c its in
Virginia. Can you imagine that?! Anyway, this person
called to make sure I got the info, and wanted to know what
was up. So I used my best "grownup voice" and tried to
tell her that I was not leaving my homegirls before
sophomore year to go off and start college in Virginia. No
way!!! Too nerdy for me, even though I am a nerd at heart..
Okay, then on Sunday the whole family
watched "Remember the Titans". FINALLY! But I'm glad I
got around to it, it's a really good movie. I was also
really glad that my little brother saw it, b/c it was a
good statement about how prejudice could deprive you of the
best friendship you might not otherwise have. That only
gets me to thinkin about Bubba and how terrible he is to
me, especially when he was making comments about Hispanics
and African-Americans, although he was using some other
names that actually sicken me. OK OK sorry I'm getting
carried away. Damn that Bubba!!!!! Well gotta go it's
time for dinner, I'll put this down and finish tonight.
Back now, here's more.. :)
Am I prejudiced against kickers? I hope not. I tried
to be nice, I really did. Ask McCall, he really is bad!
Anyways, on Monday I woke up and I was feeling a LOT
better. Went to the house and watched the kids. Matt,7,
and Katie, 4. The mom is a friend of a friend. They're
cool kids. I admit it- they love me! :) I'm going to
steal them, and let their mom have my brother. Which is
pretty terrible considering tomorrow is his birthday.
Monday night I was at Mac's again for a while. Just
eating and acting crazy as usual. She made me call Bubba,
which was when I found out that we are both "rejected."
(Sorry too late, I reject them first!) I met all the
family, the kids were causing trouble, they have accents
and I was trying not to laugh...umm that's it. Oh, and
Darcy, I was not in the bathroom...I heard EVERYTHING!!!!
(evil laugh!!)
More about my adopted children. Babysitting again
today...they were asleep when I got there, thank God, so I
managed an hour long nap. All day we either ate, watched
Tv or played a game off and on. ***What I played today-
cops and robbers, "fishin around", "lucky ducks", "chutes
and ladders", "hi ho cherrie oh", "twister" (I'm so glad no
one could see that one, I was a major dork), stuff on
playstation, outside on the swingset for a while, pokemon
battle (for the first time ever!)***
And we watched "Inspector Gadget". I LOVE YOU MATTHEW
BRODERICK!! hehe, had to put that in there, I loooove him,
he's the cutest. But it was so cute, b/c I was sitting on
the couch by myself, and Katie came over and sat next to
me, put a blanket on both of us and was just cuddling up by
me. So adorable!! I'm starting to love kids. Can I keep
her?
The worst thing, though, was at about 5. Matt talked
me into playing Star Wars outside, so I was trying to push
Katie on the swing and be Darth Maul, fighting with my
double lightsaber at the same time. Yeah, I did get the
cool lightsaber but guess what I did. I ended up tripping
over the slide that comes out of the plastic playhouse and
somehow banging my leg against it. However I did it, my
leg got seriously jacked up!! It was bleeding, and it's
bruised REALLY bad. Right after I did it, the spot swelled
up to the size of a ping pong ball, which is pretty
impressive for a shin. I was kinda sorry it went down, b/c
it was sort of cool looking. What can I say, I take pride
in my battle damage. Well, I'm sitting there trying not to
cry, and Matt takes the opportunity to "cut" my leg off
with the lightsaber. Then my arm. My other arm. Hole in
the stomach. Then my other leg. I have to fight with this
lightsaber in my teeth. Thanks sweetie.
So they can't be cute all the time. Katie threw a fit
in the car ride home. Welcome back Mom! At least I know
they like me, but they better, I wore myself out playing
today. I was pretty darn tired when I got home,
unsurprisingly, and I feel kinda bad for yelling at my
brother, but we're ok now.
Tonight I watched the movie "Traffic". With my
parents. Can we say "uncomfortable"?!?!?! Ohhh man. A 16
year old that's doing drugs, havin sex and runnin away was
not a good thing for us to be watching together. (Hello I
turn 16 in October.) I felt guilty and I haven't even done
anything! (anything yet?) But it was a good thing to watch
b/c it makes me glad I don't do drugs. I'm mean, I'm not
scared straight away from pot, but I don't think I'll ever
do coke or any really scary stuff like that. Anyone that's
addicted to the hard stuff should watch it, I think. It
gives a really realistic view from so many different
points, from dealers to users. Ok off my soapbox now.
Guess who called during the movie? Danny. As in
Danny the non-ex-boyfriend from church who I was with for
half a day. I don't really want to talk to him anymore.
Like ever!!! I didn't even want to go out with him in the
first place, I just got suckered into it and I secretly
believe he is still obsessed with me. I feel so stupid
being like this, I just really wish he hadn't called at
all. I got rid of him, and he's calling back tomorrow. Or
so he thinks. Avoid, avoid, avoid...he'll get the hint.
Too bad we go to the same church. Yeah, I'm goin to hell.
Umm...what else? Oh, more about the kids. I wanna
have one!! That sounds so terrible huh? But my whole life
I've been well behaved and polite and responsible and I'm
so sick of it! I totally relate to the character
in "Traffic", even though it was fiction. The girl was 3rd
in her class and in sooo many activities. I don't do that
much extra stuff but I understand how it feels. Sometimes
I just wanna break away, get out, do what I want to do
instead of what I have to do. Sometimes I wish I could
just trash my bright future and be a mom. I should
probably do it later in life, but why do people put a
career they've started building on hold? I don't think I
could give up something I'd already worked so hard for. but
being a mom and in college would be worse, so I guess I
will just settle for thinking Matt and Katie are the
awesomest, rather than having my own 3 year old around when
I graduate.
I dunno, sex is a really big deal but to me it doesn't
really seem like it anymore. Maybe society has trivialized
it enough to make me think I'm ready for it, but I do. I'm
just in it for fun tho, "the one" for me is nowhere around
here, I'm sure. So what am I supposed to do before then.
What can I say? I think it sounds fun!!! Plus, it's a
proven fact that you add years to your life and it keeps
you young, healthy, happy etc. Sex before marriage is
wrong according to the Bible, but I don't think I can hold
out long enough, I mean there are sooo many things to
experience in the world. In fact, my personal decision is
to lose my virginity as soon as I can, so I can get it over
with. And I'll care about the person, but not so
completely like a marriage love. (Well maybe. Who's to
say what will happen?) So many of my friends are
like, "Oh, I'm not a hoe. I'm not like that. I'm gonna
wait until I get married." I think, what if you never get
married! I can't guarantee I will or you will, it's hard
to find someone to love you back. but I don't say
anything, and I think it's been wise that I keep my mouth
shut about that b/c I can't agree. Anyway, one of my
friends who says this the most is messing around BIG TIME,
I think, but I won't say anything b/c she just call me a
liar, give me attitude, but hey, I know what's up. It's
all good. She's pretending to be so virtuous, but if she
really is soo pure, then I think, but what are you
missing? I know I've already missed out on a lot. No time
like the present to catch up, I guess. I've been sheltered
long enough. Especially from guys, and it's having an
opposite effect, like I CRAVE major rebellion. I just want
to get rid of a lot of the things I hate about the life I
live, and when I do, I'll be happy. For those who are
keeping their present station in life, good luck, but all
the "waiters" won't know what they're missing. Over and
out, ~mandy