No Excuses

Pillow Of Your Bones
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2002-07-24 00:25:18 (UTC)


i hate my life. yup. nothings new.
idk y i write in this stupid fucking thing! its not like it
helps. all it does it let all u fucking assholes know my
problems and allow u to feel superior and act like u care.
im sick of this bullshit. im 'an asshole', 'greedy', and 'selfish'.
i want to have a life. so sue me!
i havent actually had fun in a while.
i go to target with my mom today. i try on clothes and
decide i really like these 2 prs of pants. 1 pr is jeans
($24) the other is green courderoys ($26). i have $80. im
going to buy them. my mom wants to look at shoes. i find 2
prs i like ($16 each). problem...24 26 16 16=82. i dont
have $82. what should i not buy? the green courderoys. my
mom wants me to buy them. okay mom...u buy em on ur debit
then ill transfer the $ into ur account when we get home.
okay. i have my pants! yay!
i want to go to the movies tonight. dre is helping his
stepdad and the guy install his new ac. they wont be done
for a long time. will u be done by 9? yea sure. yay!
mom...can i go to the 10pm movie tonight? how do u expect
to get there? asking u if i can drive. i thought u
dont have $. i still have $20 remember? she says no.
ok...ill just sit at home again like i always do. well u
shoulda thought about that when u got in that accident. !!!
im hungry. all i want is taco bell. she eventually gives me
$1 and tells me to go get my taco and get carlos a double
cheese burger from mcdonalds. no. now im not allowed to
drive anywhere but work untill sunday at midnight. then go
to work M (1145-815) T(845-415) W(845-515) T(1145-815) F
and shes going to return the courderoys.
im in my room. crying as usual. make u feel worse...i got u this.
i wont open it.
she brings carlos to mcdonalds. its a sketch of kurt cobain.
i cry more.
i decide to kill myself (again). yay! pills!
dre calls...'i just wanted to call and say i love u'.
great. now i cant do it! not fair. i wouldnt tell him what
was wrong. he made me feel like shit about it.
my mom comes home with taco bell. 2 hard shell tacos. that
shows how well she knows me huh? (in case u didnt
know...which u prolly dont bc i think the only ppl that do
are jay brad laurie maybe john mary joe and craig i only
get soft shell taco supremes from TB).
john moved btw.
and lauries back from vacation.
i havent talked to laura in almost a week.
in a way i wish i was still friends with all them. even if
most of em didnt really care enough about my friendship to
call for weeks at a time. at least i usually had something
to do. even if it was to just drive around listening to
music or sit at TB. for some reason that didnt bother me
nearly as much then.
well i guess imma go cry some more now.