In the World of Jefficus
Ad 0:
2001-07-04 05:31:44 (UTC)

Relationships and Idealism

I haven't had much experience with relationships. I'm 16
and to-date have only had one boyfriend, a relationship
that lasted maybe two weeks. I've had an ongoing sexual
relationship with a close friend, but it never grew to be
anything official. But even in my modest experience, I do
have some opinions on the whole partnership fixation.

A few hours ago I had a very deep and personal discussion
with my sister about her boyfriend, Tim. What she had to
say came as no shock or surprise to me, because it was all
just a continuation of problems they were having even
months before. What it all comes down to is that when it
comes to relationships, Mindy (my sister) is unsure and
sometimes confused. She wants to explore and learn and
experience new things. She's bisexual, but has only had
one isolated lesbian experience. She wants to learn more
about that side of herself and of people. She's a free
spirit, untamed and adventurous. Tim on the other had is
someone who suffers from a common condition I like to
call "Fairy Tale Syndrome." Basically, Fairy Tale Syndrome
is an idealistic view on the perfect union of two people,
the soulmates. This concept is similar to the cliché fairy
tale story about the prince and the princess finding each
other and falling in love and being together for all of
eternity. So as you can see, their opinions and
preferences are very different. Mindy feels tied down and
isn't sure if letting Tim live with us was such a good
idea. She feels trapped and isolated because he gets
jealous when she hangs out with her friends or if she says
another guy is attractive.
To understand why this is so I'll brief a bit on my theory
of why Tim is the way he is. Tim was a lonely child,
lacking attention from both is parents. Easily he'd
develop a strong case of Fairy Tale Syndrome because of
that environment. He feels he needs to find just one
person that'll love him unconditionally forever, like a
dream come true. And since he's found Mindy, he won't let
go and refuses to admit she is different than that. He
wants her to be something she's not.

But enough about that. Mindy's a big girl and I'm sure in
time she'll make the best decision for her. For now she
just has to find the best way to get rid of her feelings of

I can honestly say I don't feel I need to find that one
person to fall madly in love with and be together for all
of time. Granted, by stating that it might seem like I'm
covering up and just denying my true feelings, similar to
Hugh Jackman's character on that cheesy romantic comedy
with Ashley Judd. But seriously. What I'd want is
something fun and adventurous, like a crazy friendship
based on honesty and fun, with sex involved. THAT is ideal
to me. I don't even care about commitment. Humans are
sexual beings and in denying our sexual urges for others is
just stupid. Just because you're in a relationship doesn't
mean you're more than human. I think the perfect boyfriend
for me would be funny and smart, daring, and willing to try
new things. One thing I hate is routine. When a
relationship because routine, that's when it's all over.
That's when it's time to pick up and move on. People
interact with people in sexual/spiritual ways to learn more
and to experience things through their partner that they've
never had the oppertunity to try. Once you stop learning,
there's no point to it.
That's not to say I don't think I'll ever end up with one
person for the remainder of my life. I think that would be
great. But if that were to happen we'd have to be best
friends and understand each other and accept each other's
faults. If I'm in a relationship but feel I'd like to
experiment sexually, say with a female friend or whatever
(an idea I sometimes think about... who knows, maybe I'm
not as gay as I lead everyone to believe!), that person
better accept and "allow" it, because it would be a
learning experience. If they tried to hold me back from
learning, well, hell, I'm obviously not going to learn much
more from them.

As always, I'd love to get some feedback if anyone reads
this and feels inspired/threatened or anything else.
Please, share with me your opinions on relationships and
love, challenge mine or let me know that you agree. My
email address is [email protected], and if you'd
like to check out my website, the addy is

~over and out!