teejaye

deckard's life
2002-07-23 21:11:24 (UTC)

doobie doobie doo

i've become obsessed with my body. for so long i worshipped
those harder more firm more aesthetically pleasing one
hoping that one day i would wake up and have one myself.
but that doesn't work in the real world. so for the past
month or two now i've created and actually followed an
exercise regime (somewhat loosely but with a consistency
that for me is astouding):
tennis practice- hour & 1/2- 2 hours (serves and backboard)
track running- two miles at a time (hoping to push it to
three before the school year starts)
exercise bike- an hour or so (or enough to work up a nice
sweat)
then assorted sets of 1-200 crunches and 20-30 pushups.
while the result is less than pleasing ( visually anyway),
i have lost 13 pounds and gained about four in muscle. i'm
pleased but it's not enough. cut meals down to maybe one a
day. if i eat more than one i up the working out til the
brink of passing out, but all in the name of physical
beauty. there being no anyone in my life i have a lot of
time to devote to myself. inadvertently (or so i hope) a
girl will stumble along that will make me want to fly...
rather bored at the moment. helping the sister unit with
babysitting. she's been sick with an assortment of ailments
and helping her out gets me away from THERE; at least for a
while. expecting change soon. things have grown way too
stagnant and summer is not living up to it's potential.
granted i've cut out a lot of the things that would have
made it more enjoyable *cough* alcohol*cough*mass
quantities* cough* cerosis (?) * cough* it's been kinda
hard. the last time i had a drink was maybe about two
months ago, and a month before that i hadn't had anything
even slightly illegal for a year. i got a lot of flack for
giving in but it was needed at the time. no more though. or
at least not in such large doses. trying harder to
concentrate and focus which means staying away and...it's
doable.
i was talking to nick about merrill the other day during
his and k-tee's notorious rock out session, and we got more
in depth while we waited for my brother in law to show up.
he has insecurities, mostly about how devoted she is to
him. he's such a great guy i couldn't bear (?) to tell him
that she had fooled around with a 24 year old guy about two
weeks before she left for france. she swore me to secrecy
and i really really hate getting involved. i just wish i
could help him more because he's helped me so much before.
it's unfair that great people get their hearts stomped on
by those totally unworthy of them. that's the way it goes
though. oddly enough i had a conversation somewhat
mirroring that train of thought with daniel. surprise
surprise...he and lizeth broke up after she found out stuff
from the last party and were kinda on the mend until
rachael and the things he did to her broke. that kinda put
the perverbial kobosh on that reconciliation *in a romantic
sense anyway* and as usual he began talking about those
that hurt him ...anyway the point is that he told me the
hardest thing is to meet the girl. keeping their interest
poses a task yes but it's the whole getting over yourself
part to work up the nerve to meet them that's tricky. i've
been told that constantly but you know how things are told
to you over and over but every time you hear it it's like
hearing it for the first time...whatever i thought that was
going to be interesting but in retrospect just was giving
me something to type so i wouldn't get bored. i have tennis
tournament coming the 9th-11th. w00t!
current musis: promise ring- say goodbye good




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