Mysterious Attitude
2001-07-04 03:32:01 (UTC)

Tuesday July 3,2001

*Time: 10:07pm
*Wearing: Jeans with a cute design and my baby blue bling
bling shirt
Jewelry: My nugget ring, my cross ring, my 3 bracelets, my
2Pac necklace, my name plate, and my cross neckless
*Hair: Down but my bangs are bein held back by a headband
*Listenin to : Nothing
*Eating/Drinkin: Nothing
*Song of the day : Fill Me In by Craig David
*Weather: Its dark and sorta cool like 68 degrees maybe
less earlier today it was sunny and really hot
*Talking to : No one
*Mood: Depressed as hell
*Thinking: Why is my life always so fuckin hard?¿

I woke up today to the sound of my pager goin off and the
song Fill Me In playin on the radio... I called my pager
to see who left me a voice mail.. it was Brain sayin to
call him and that he loved me :) Hehe so I called him...
and we talked for a lil while... he wants to meet me on his
birthday which is on the 14 of this month... and he was
like we could go to a movie or sumthing.. and I will pay
for u... I was like I dunno I would love to meet u... and I
will try my best... but if I do go u ain't payin for me...
he was like yeah I am.... lol so I finally gave in and was
like ok ok u can pay... well his friend was over so I also
talked to him.. which his name is also Pat... odd huh?¿ But
in the end me and Brain had phone sex... and he started it
not me... lol and damn he sounded soo good!!! Then we hung
up cuz we both needed a shower... hehe I didn't take a
shower tho I cleaned up a lil and then decided to call
Jack... which was a BAD idea... cuz me and him got into
another fight... and I had asked him why r we goin out when
all he does is be an ass with me.. he was like I dunno...
and he finally said fine then... we ain't goin out no
more.. I was like ohh its that easy huh... and he was like
yep... So I go fine be like that then Jack.. he was like I
will... I don't even remember all what was said but I do
know that my uncle heard sum of what I had said and was
like tellin everyone...so me and my WHOLE family got into a
big fight... and since I was already cryin cuz of what
happened between me and Jack it made matters that much
worse... So I fianlly took my shower... ate a lil... then
me and my mom went to pick Terri up so they could get their
checks... but they couldn't find Terri's check... but
anywho.. Jennifer told Paul that I like him... and I was
like sittin right there!!! I turned 3 shades of red I tell
u... lol then we left from the gas station to cash my mom's
check... and we took Terri to a few places... and we came
home so my mom could talk to this guy... So while she
talked to him... I did 100 sit ups.. walked around the
block, and did sum other things... Then me and my mom went
out to eat and she took me by Walgreens.. cuz I wanted a
magnetic earring... but they didn't have them... so instead
I got 2 chokers (a black and purple one).. hehe I love them
already!!! When we got home all hell broke lose... my mom
saw the phone bill and had saw that I ran up 32 dollars on
call back... and like 27 dollars on callin David's cell
phone.. which I didn't even know was long distance...:( She
went off on me... yellin at me and sayin that she wasn't
goin to pay the bill... so I managed to get 33 dollars...
and I stil need 24 dollars.. I'm still cryin a lil cuz I
don't know how I'm goin to make that money... and since I'm
not goin to Minn.. till the Thursday after this one... I
have 8 days... so wish me luck... and ohh yeah as u can see... I
can't go to the fair tomorrow cuz I ain't got no money now :(

~~~Takes Break~~~

Sry bout that... lol I had to get off my mom needed to use the phone
so she could call the Cable Company.. and guess what.. she got rid of
most of our digital cable :( She had to tho..cuz she doesn't have
enough money to pay for all the bills... but damn why my tv... When I
was gettin my check I always paid for cable.. but as soon as I lost
it... I had cable for like 2 months...and now it is almost all
gone.. :( I mean it's not my fault her job doesn't pay her enough
now is it?¿ ::Sighs:: Today hasn't been a good day for me... I have
been cryin like all day and more then likely I will be cryin all
night 2 :( I want to cut myself so bad.. and I came really close
after mine and Jack's fight... but I didn't...And now my mom don't
want me to talk to Jack anymore cuz all we do is fight.. and I guess
another reason is cuz of the phone bill... since it was sorta his
fault...I want to talk to him still...but I won't unless he calls
me... and if he does... I hope to god I answer the phone and not my
mom..also I think I'm grounded from the phone cuz of the bill... but
I dunno... well I will go now... bye bye 4 now

~~~About John~~~

Omg U don't know how worried I am bout John...he hasn't been online
for a LONG time.. and like I have said before it isn't like him to
not be online... I keep prayin nothing is wrong with him... and hopin
he will get online... but he hasn't :( I keep sendin him emails upon
emails... and I still haven't got any replys :( :( I hope he isn't
mad at me for anything or that he isn't seriouly hurt... ::sighs::
I'm bout to start cryin again cuz I'm missin him soo much... :'( Well
I'm goin to go... I'm goin to stay online as long as I can in hopes
he will get on... so bye bye 4 now