Timothy

Jack's Twisted Kingdom
2002-07-23 13:32:58 (UTC)

White Lies, Truth or Dare...

So many people get hung up on the little things
they often forget what it is that is truly very
important to them in thier lives. I have often
wondered what it is that really makes me and
some people I know tick....

I don't lie, at least I like to think I don't. I know
that I have on occasion talk someone a half truth
or simply played the ignorant sop, the duck if you
will so as to not make whom ever it is feel really
horrible about something.

Truth hurts, and I know that more as much as anyone.

What the hell is wrong with me? Can I not go one
single day without being somewhat happy and
content? If for once I could be overjoyed I would
probably die from the shock...

But does that mean that what I have done defines me?
Defines my future, my present? Does it really tell
the story of who I am?

Sigh... I do that alot... whine about shit... I feel sometimes
as though I am just feeling sorry for myself... I need to
have more self esteem, and really just learn to not be a
doormat... Need more self confidence and I really have
to learn to be nice to people... I find more and more I am
not... Someone called me a snob today, I was incredulous..
moi? a snob? PU-LEASE...

Ah well... so be it...

I expect a certain degree of honesty from those
around me, as I am sure they do with me. But what
I can't get my head around is why, they get so
damned mad when you actually tell them. I mean
whats the point of that? You want honesty, expect
that someone is damned well going to give it to
you... sometimes, in spades...

I tend for the most part to be blunt, and somewhat
rather obnoixous about it, but I try not to be. You
can't go around your whole life living in some
bubble because of some ideal about yourself that
simply doesn't exist. But I have noticed more and
more, that there are those who simply prefer it
that way...

Who wants truth when life just bites you in the ass
and kills some part of your soul? If you don't want
honesty don't ask for it all the damned time. Hey
I know I like to be lied to once in awhile. Not about
major things tho... But you know, when you lie about
every little thing, the bigs things are meaningless.

I have never lied about love, adoration, desire, beauty,
nor the nature of how or why I feel a certain thing
about someone... Esp, not when I am in a realationship.
But I have on occasion said certain things that the
person I have been with wanted to hear. I meant it
and yet at the same time, I wasn't being entirely
honest. It has always bothered me. If you aren't going
to be honest and tell the person whom you love
the truth, then why are you with them?

It's sort of like cheating on someone. I wouldn't, and
never have cheated on anyone I have been with. I simply
believe that if you love someone you aren't going to
do that sort of thing. And, if you suddenly find yourself
in a situation where you might, then damnit, you have
to do the honorable thing and break off that relationship.
I have no pity for the man/woman who cheats on the
person they are with, it is to me one of the most
unconscienable acts you can possibly commit. I think
and I know that I am almost alone in this, that cheating
on someone you are with is right up there with rape,
murder and violent crime. While you aren't doing
something that is criminal, what you are doing is
destroying trust, and that, is something that to me
is so horrific, that you simply cannot go back to the
way things were.

So.. What to do about it... Nothing and everything...
One has to wonder why bad things happen to good
people, and why good things happen to bad people.
All actions are inherently good or evil, people are not.
People simply are... Oh I can see an argument coming....

Well, truth is, I am not going to tell the grrl i want what my
feelings are. The white lie will be that I will be her
friend, probably for years. I could dare myself to be
bold, but I won't....

No one ever said life was fair...


~T~
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