Pandora

ARG

Tuesday, July 3 2001

Do you know what its like to constantly be criticised? My
parents yell at me for every single thing I do. I had a
thought today though. Who really over reacts? Is it me,
taking them to seriously? Or them taking me to seriously? I
honestly dont know. Its gotta be a bit of both. I know that
I tend to over react sometimes, and I have a short temper
(hereditary!).. but its them who push me to my limits
sometimes. I remember saying that I am the one that
challenges myself... but thinking about it now I disagree. I
am not in control of my entire life, there are heavy
infulences which I do not control. Sure my actions are
produced and I should be in control, but sometimes my parents
just dont allow for that. They make decisions for me. When
I test them or speak out they come on stronger. I have
learned that keeping my mouth shut works best. Thats why I
dont talk to many people I guess... especially them. Im so
used to not being heard or taken seriously. They make me
feel so bad. Its almost at them point where I constantly
hear them yelling in my head. I hear them even when they are
not around. Its not like a consience warning, its like
living in a nightmare of fear. AGAIN--I thought the nightmare
had ended... but no, its back.

~Pandora