Life as I know it.
2001-07-03 20:38:57 (UTC)

I've had the time of my life

Yeah okay cheesey dirty dancing quote but its been
fitting. The past few days non-matt-wise have been
superfantasgreat. I mean, damn, I have been living life
and not even caring of what i really do. I finally am
starting to feel like how i was before I even met
Matt...which is cool, im really truly starting to remember
why I like being single...but i still miss Matt of course,
but not to the degree I have been. It's like sleeping with
him is making me hate him more and more each day cause i
feel like im being used, and when im being used I get

I also had a scary scary dream about matt over a month ago
like almost right after we broke up and he was fucking my
friend Erin and I'm there and im like "i dont want to see
this dont do this" and he is like "jenn it has to be
done". THis morning when I wake up I think i found the
meaning in my dream. See Erin and I are very similar.
We're both the same height, blonde hair, anthro majors, the
same age, worked at the same job, and people even used to
get us confused and call me erin and her jenn...thats how
similar we are. So maybe that was my subconscience telling
me that I still needed to have sex with matt...maybe for
closure, maybe for a new begining, who knows....I just
realize now that im sleeping with him, i am actually
checking out other guys. But when we were apart i wasnt.
Fucked up isnt it? It's my fucked up life....who knows in
a week i might actually have a job, no sleeping with the
ex, money, a car, be a millionaire..hey shit happens who
knows. Stay tuned for further drama.

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