I'm a girl, not a band!!!
2002-07-22 17:11:48 (UTC)


I talked to the guy who proposed to me last night. Face to
face. I still think he's a really nice guy. I honestly do.
But I can't get married without love. For me to get
married so that someone else can get a green card, well, I
just can't. I'm sorry. And that's what I told him.

But he asked me, and I think about the things that people
ask me before I answer. Did I think about saying yes? Of
course! That's how I came to the conclusion to say no. I
need to figure out what would/could/should happen.

But then Pete got really mad at me. For my thinking about
it. I just don't get it. I don't think it's fair to be
angry with what someone thinks. Thoughts are just that,
thoughts. I did not carry it out. I did not say yes.

They say that in every relationship, at least one of the
partners thinks about cheating on the other. They probably
don't even have anyone particular in mind. The really cute
guy who smiled as you walked by in the mall. Just thinking
what it would be like. It's not like they'd do it, but
they thought about it. Nothing happened. What is wrong
with that?

Isn't that normal? To think thoughts that aren't the right
thing? I thought we all did that to some extent each and
every day. It's the carrying out of those thoughts that
are wrong, and the actual action to be mad about.

I just don't understand why he's so upset. He told me that
we're ok, but he can't talk about it now. Fine. He can
have his space. All the space he needs. I understand that.
But in order for things to go forward in any type of
relationship, whatever it is that we have, this needs to
be discussed.

Please, just talk to me.