sillycha

Tinkerbell's Asinine View of the Wor
2002-07-22 02:59:32 (UTC)

Black Hawk Down...

So I just finished watching "Black Hawk Down". The reason I
rented it was because I had promised my ex-boyfriend (who
goes to West Point and comes from a military family) that I
would. He told me that I should watch it because then I'd
be able to understand why he made his choices in life. It
just hurt so much when he left me for West Point and never
really told me why. I guess this was supposed to clarify
things.

After seeing the movie, nothing much of my opinion has
changed. I always understood why the fuck he left and why
he made his choices. The thing was that I didn't really
know these things. I had to make the assumption from little
clues in what he'd say and his behavior. I never got any
confirmation about my thoughts. I guess I just always
wanted to hear it from his mouth. To just sit down and have
him explain it to me in his words and with the idea that he
really wanted to share himself with me... Oh well, no sense
in dwelling in the past.

The movie didn't make me feel any better either. I cried
often and it makes me sick to think that someone I know and
care about very deeply, may be doing that shit. It really
makes me sick about the world that we live in and how low
man can really be.

Not that I'm really one to say anything. I have probably
gone lower than most have. Also it's not like I can say I
didn't know any better. I've done the Sunday school thing,
I've taken a class with ethics, I learned about right and
wrong from my parents. I don't even know why I did the
things I did. It's actually really annoying that I can't
explain myself. I can make exuses, theories, and
assumptions based upon what I remember and what I
percieved, but I can't give anything solid. Who can give
any solid answers nowadays? When you say the world is
round, how can you support that. Photos, were you there to
take them? Scientific logic. Did you work throught the
equations yourself? Astronomy. Did you chart the stars
yourself? Only a few people can actually say that they know
the world is round because they have actually done the
brunt work to figure it out.

I'm sick of living in such an ustable and uninformed world.
I don't think we should be allowed to have such powerful
tools at our disposal unless we can realize a few things
about ourselves. I mean, most Americans can't even realize
when they're hungry anymore, albeit because of drugs,
eating disorders, or compulsive eating habits.

What am I doing here typing to myself? But what else is
there to do? I am the best source for answers because who
else can I really trust? I can barely trust myself so why
listen to someone who I know nothing about. Some people
have left me comments on my diary. I don't even know what
gender they are, their eye color, or if they prefer chicken
or beef. All I can do is hear their opinion.

Actually opinions are a good thing to hear. It sometimes
shows you things you'd never think of, show you faults in
your own ideas, or even just show you how silly people can
be sometimes. I like hearing opinions because it's not like
I don't hear enough of my own from myself.

Alright, I'm going to get to bed because I have to be up at
8am to go to work. Oh and for anyone following my Dexedrine
experiment, I didn't take any today. Now you can realize
that the only reason I remember the movie very well or am
even able to write anything that sounds like it came from
someone who can recognize their own emotions, is because I
didn't take any today.

Shit this was a long entry...I'll have to read it again...




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