In the World of Jefficus
2001-07-03 05:48:59 (UTC)

First Entry

Well, here's my first entry in my brand-spankin' new online
diary. Kind of a strange concept... a diary here online
for the world to see. The compulsion to do it struck me
earlier today when I was thinking of a way to rid myself of
my ongoing block of creativity. Ever since the summer
vacation started a few weeks ago I've done nothing
productive. I've just sat around the house like sloth. I
must spend at least 8 hours a day on this stupid, slow-ass
computer. Fuck, I gotta do something --- better! Well not
right now; it's 1:43 am! Maybe tomorrow... I'm supposed to
go with my mom to her boyfriend's Cottage, but little is it
known to her, I fucking hate that asshole with a bloody
passion. I don't want to get started on that one though.
Maybe another time.

So today I was supposed to go to a party with my friend
Eric at his exboyfriend Greg's house. I've been really
hyped up about going the past few days, mostly because this
Greg character is really cute. Yep, the pathetic level
I've come to. Cruising my friend's ex's. Hey, wouldn't be
the first time. My first (and only) boyfriend was my best
friend's ex. God, I'm such a garbage picker! But anyways,
this party was a post-Canada Day gay celebration with all
of the "inner circle" homos in Sudbury (it's kind of sad:
all the hot gays in this shithole town are connected by an
underground network of exboyfriends. Everyone has dated
everyone. That is, except for me, since I'm the youngest
newcomer to this inner circle, via my friend Eric). But
the plans didn't fall through. This morning I found out
Eric's mom suffered a heart attack, and she might not make
it through the night.... He's taking it really badly. But
that's expected. I mean, who wouldn't... I really don't
know what I should do. I guess I should just be supportive
or whatever. Family problems haven't always been the
easiest things for me to deal with, even amongst my friends.

God, I feel so useless. I need to do something I'd enjoy.
Maybe I'll pick up a pencil or some paint brushes and start
all that art I've been planning on making during the summer.