asidatia

My Life's Thoughts
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2002-07-20 15:13:34 (UTC)

Today is Saturday July 20 my first entery

I have started a journal before,but not like this i lost
it when i had let my boyfreinds neice read it.It was my
favorite journal i had never had one quite like it before
it always helped me feel better,and i thougt that it might
prove to be helpful to her i had wrote alot of personal
things in it and then she lost it and i nevet got it back.
so if anyone is looking to know anything about me upon my
life enquires then look for jeffery Gossett it is with his
family somewhere. but now i have to resort to the computer
for my writing experience now,although i can't take it with
me when i get the urge to write. that happens quite often
to me i just get this hit of insperation and all i can
think of is getting out my journal and finding my pen. but
i figure this way if i keep it all on line i can't lose it
and i will have it
forever...........
Sometimes i look at life and wonder
if that is all there is,like there is no more experiences
for me,maybe i just exerienced them all. i never graduated
high school and did not go to collage but that is ok with
me i have somthing more than just books,i have
wisdom,something i'm told that comes with time and lessons
that we all have. i'm at the tender age of 22 i'll be 23
next month and feel as if i lived life to the degree that
life is almost over. It is weird to think that i may
actually get old. The only thing that has not happened to
me is the joy of childern. although i'm not looking forward
to that exceperace. It's funny now that i think about it me
with kids that is somthing that i'm almost wanting. but not
yet sure if that is somthing i'm ready for. all i can do is
wait and see if that is where life takes me.
This is a new experience for me and i hope to
have more of them although the prospect of learning more
than the miles stones of life is somthing to find out.
My thoughts still go to somthing more than
what i learned in school,they go to the outside world where i live
now. Many friends have crossed my path and gone again,never staying
in the same place more than a few years somtimes months. the freinds
i do have are few and still yet many claim to be my freind,but the
problem is that i don't remember who they are. Faces are familar but
names are impossible to remember,many have crossed my path but none
have stayed due to my own torment in this life. how many times i wish
i could go back to the past and change things to what i knew them as.
things that i wish i could change and yet on some retroscope things
are they way they should be but yet there is this longing for
something more,somthing that this life has not yet provided. somthing
that is not in my reach, not money for that is a root that is sin and
it's not a career for most have health problems caused to undue
stress that only a job with deadlines and case paperwork with
headache and acid reflux. My disire is not in love for that is a
heartach all it's own. I'm not sure what or where it lies,I only hope
that it is in the near future and that it comes with the freshness
that you sense when your about to embarck on a new journy. this
clouded resitricked feeling that i got now,the block of all my
sensatoins. God i need to get high the only thing that releases me to
a different level. that is what i need right now but the money is
short and so is the supply so getting high will just have to wait
till next week when the new shipment will come in. maybe my old
creative mind will come back to me and the wrtings will be more to my
old self and will flow from my finger tips as they once did. This is
somthing i long for aswell,insperation that joy you feel when
everything comes together that perfect moment when all thoughts go to
the world in my head and then on paper or in this case the computer
screen wich i thank god i took typing in high school or this would
not even be possible, my thought would turn to mush before i found
the keys that make the word that comes to mind and then the next
word. who knew that typing would feel just as free as writing and
still somehow i'm aware of the thougts i have and the feelings i'm
able to express. I will find this very settleling in the future.Now
all i need is a lab top and i can write anywhere. maybe a palm piolte
somthing that i can get access on anywhere. when ever i feel the need
to write. I need to get high though,this would be easier if i was
high. well i think that does it for the day unless i have another
thought for the day.


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