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2002-07-20 06:52:52 (UTC)

So I always had this image in..

So I always had this image in my head of what it would be
like after I got through with high school. I thought the
game would be over then. Little did I realize...ignorant
me....that it's never over. Dreams don't exist. Everything
we do in this fucking world leads to destruction.
Everything I wanted to do I can't, because of money. I'm
stuck. It's who you know. Stuck. It fucking sucks. People
are dishonest, they lie, they cheat, the world is
shit...and the sad part that I had faith in the
world...but now I realize that everyone I thought was
trying to help is shit. It's all a fucking show. I don't
like the show...I don't play this game. But there is no
fucking way out. I have no hopes, no dreams, no love (that
is not referring to you Jason...just things in know I love you). Family will fuck you just
as well as anyone else. Nothing in this life if real,
nothing in this life is true. I really don't understand any
of this, I don't understand the fear. I don't have the
strength to make it go away. I'm not ready to grow up this
fast, I want to enjoy my life...but I really don't have
much to enjoy right now. The worst part is...thinking that
I may look back at this one day and think these were the
good 'ol days. The only thing that separates the good from
the bad in my life are the times that make the worst times
in my life not look as bad. I don't know what to do at this
point. And waht this comes down to my own fuckign
self pity, it's my fucking shit, it's my fucking problem.
It's me. I'm such an angry person. How can I stop crying!?
You really are alone in this world. You really are. hurts.