lilplayette25

July 2, 2001

Hello again. I don't really have much to say today, I'm
just really bored once again. I wish I had a license. If
I did, I seriously would never be at home, and that sounds
good to me. I get so tired of being at home all the time.
But back to the whole guys thing. I'm getting really tired
of being lonely, but I have nobody that I feel like is
worth my time. I mean, I don't want to sound like I think
I'm hott shit, but I don't feel like any guys that I know
that I CAN HAVE would really be good for me. I mean, just
looking back over the past year: 1-i had a relationship w/a
guy and then he winds up messing around w/one of my
friends. Needless to say, we aren't friends anymore.
plus, he went out getting drunk a lot and i'm not all for
that all the time. and he smoked weed sometimes too. He
told me that he only did it once in a while but I knew for
a fact that he was lying to me, and I don't like being lied
to. 2-I was talkin to this one guy and we go to this party
and he tells all the guys there that we are going out when
we weren't. So some of the guys are talkin to me and he
gets pissed off and starts throwin some of them in the pool
and tellin them to stay the hell away from me. And he is
the kind of guy that works out so he's really built and
strong and shit. And then when some other guys started
flirtin w/me and stuff (I won't go into any details) he
gets pissed off and goes down by the dock and stands there
like he's depressed. After that night we didn't talk
anymore for a long time, but I came to find out that his
mom left him when he was really young and he hasn't seen
her or his sister for like a long time. As in like years.
And so he's really controlling and overprotective because
he's afraid that people are gonna leave him again, like his
mom did. Or that's just what I'm assuming. 3-I was talkin
to this one guy and then i realize that he's like totally
psycho and has mental problems and he's the biggest freak
in the world and so that just kinda died out. I get chills
just thinking about that one. But I mean it's like all the
guys I choose have seriously problems. And so now, I want
to be able to commit to somebody, but I'm afraid to because
I don't want to get hurt again like I have before. Oh
well, if anybody reads this let me know what you think.
Peace easy,
~Nicole