marinabreeze

as the Oval turns
Ad 2:
2001-07-02 17:01:37 (UTC)

Hope

Lately I've been seeing how easy it is to be mad at God.
I'm 20 years old and I still haven't had my first car.
Yet I see kids getting Beemers for their 16th birthday,
don't have to worry about money, and they still aren't happy
with their lives and some of them do dumb stuff that gets
them police records. I knew a kid named Dave back in high
school that was like that. He came from a rich suburban
family and probably never had to think about financing
anything. Funny thing is, I used to like the kid, b/c he a
"mutant" (a "mutant" is someone w/contrasting hair color and
eyes)--he had wooden brown hair and silver-blue eyes, and
because I was fascinated w/the kid from the wealthy side of
the tracks. I think that he liked me back, but the problem
was that we had nothing at all in common other than the
after-school job we worked at the hardware store in his
neighborhood. So anyway, this kid w/privilege got busted
for an underage keg party at his house, ended up getting
fired from the store for stealing over a hundred bucks worth
of stuff, and got busted by the cops for hazing a 7th
grader--all in the same year.
Then, the people that go to school here at Ohio State.
Some of these people talk on cell phones about pointless stuff
all around campus, and drive around brand-new Mustangs and
'Vettes that Daddy gave them, and they're the same people that
rioted all this past year over what???--because they're closing
down bars around here???--because the big, bad cops are
busting them for drinking underage??? I don't promote rioting,
but at least the people in Cincinnati had a reason to get pissed
off and riot--it's oppression. But I don't feel sympathy for
spoiled rich kids that have nothing else to do w/their time
than waste the blessing of prosperity that they have. I
just don't understand the point of stuff like that when you
have nothing to rebel against. Kids whining to Mommy and
Daddy for money to go out and drink liquor and bail them
out of jail...I have to work, and maybe ask my parents for
money to eat and buy necessities, and they barely have
enough to support themselves and my younger sister and
brother--that sucks.
Or another thing...there are some females that can get
basically any guy they want to...they have the "look," but
for what? So they have all these guys up on them at the
same time? So they can screw up the minds of the "nice"
ones so they're just as bad as the jerks that are obviously
not about anything? It sucks b/c it all implies that who
you are doesn't mean a damn thing; it's just about a certain
look. Or females that are "good-looking," and are also good
people, and get an opportunity that you wish you had, and
doesn't take advantage of it. Like my friend
Esther...that's my girl, through and through. My freshman
year, before she and I were friends, Pacey liked her, or in
her words, "he didn't like me, he just thought he did." The
thing is, she didn't like him back. On top of that, Pacey
hadn't been exactly right in that situation (which I will
not get into). But in any case, it sucked b/c she had an
opportunity I couldn't have...to be w/my dream dude, and she
didn't bite the hook. On top of that, she ended up w/a dude
that turned out to be a real chump in the end. It's like,
for example, let's say you really want to go to Stanford Law
School, and you know someone who's got kick-butt grades and
applies, and gets in...it's like the best law school in the
land. That person decides, however, not to go and instead
goes to Bootleg University Law School. Meanwhile, you apply
to Stanford, and you have the drive, but you don't get in on
a technicality. That's what it's like, and it sucks.
Okay, I know I rant a lot. However, I would consider
myself a happy person, b/c I have something called hope. I
know that God can't be totally cruel. I know that someday
things will come together, and that there will be
retribution for the crap that's happened in the past. It's
gonna get better, there's got to be something better than
this. Maybe Pacey will notice I'm in the land of the
living, or maybe I'll meet someone that's better than Pacey,
someone that has the qualities he has, except that this dude
sees me as someone beautiful enough to be with. I've been
kicked around a lot, and many people have dictated to me
that I deserve it b/c of the way I look. However, I do
believe that there has to be the right kind of guy out there
that appreciates who I am. The other day Pacey said that he
didn't like it when girls look for the perfect guy.
Personally, I hate it when it's the other way around, when
girls settle for less. I've been treated like crap by a lot
of guys, and I'm still not lesbian and nowhere near. I
refuse to settle, b/c as far as I'm concerned I have nothing
to lose.
When hope dies, we die.


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