lilith.

dedoubledidentifiedschizophrenia~
Ad 2:
Ezoic
2001-07-02 11:37:50 (UTC)

to be hurt.

To be hurt

"perhaps ive asked too much
from someone's unwilling heart
but to be hurt thus inhumanely
and then say sorry
makes a wounded heart

i can forgive a thousand times
but to forget takes extra courage
for even now to think of it makes me afraid,
to be that close with anyone again..."
..............................................

i noe i havent been religiously writing down my thoughts
and everything but i have been down so much lately that i
dont have time. But yesterday i had some time alone and i
wished i didnt have. i thought thouhts. bad thoughts. i
said em to some people and i think they got sick of it. im
sorry. i didnt mean to bother them. but im just so filled
witha ll these emotional crap dar its bursting. once again
its a problme dat i have to deal w/ myself. im amazed at
the capacity of hatred that im able to have in me against
her. i just cannot see her. dats all. but everyday i
pretend and pretend and be such perfect hypocrite that it
bites. ok. dats it. ling used to say that we rae often the
nices to poeple we hate coz we just dont wanna deal with
our hatred against them. im so sorry that i had implictaed
this mess to dy. dy thinks there some problem between us..
but there aint any.
it hurts when dy thought im playin around. im not. im so
definitely not. i swear upon my soul and the 7 levels of
heaven and earth from the core to the elysium that im not
playing. i will kill myself. if i ever such.
its different. no one understands. im hurt. by myself. the
sharpest dagger is ur ownself. why cant i simply ask for
more sensitivity and more crap. i cant. becoz i wont allow
myself to. i hate dis. im expectin dy to noe but obviously
nothing's goin nowhere.argh. forget it. im gonna tear.
shit. u might as well call me running tap from now onwards.

im alone. and im having bad thouhts again. argh.


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