Incessant Ponderings
2002-07-19 05:46:00 (UTC)

rating your "attractiveness"

I was at my favorite travel forum today and one of the
threads was titled, "Attractiveness" or something like
that. Anyway, it got me to thinking about how I feel about
myself. I used to have such low self-esteem just a year ago
that it's old habit for me to NEVER think about how I
look....because it usually just leads to me feeling like
crap. I don't want to say I'm ugly, but I'm definitely not
physically beautiful. I feel so intimidated when I see
pictures of Angelo's gorgeous Italian girl friends. I mean
they are so beautiful! When I fly to Italy next year, I'm
going to feel like this big, awkward half white, half asian
american chick (which I am). Angelo lives in a beach town
too, so my ass has been getting into gear, trying to get in
shape--I'm so scared! I just have so many doubts about my
determination to lose weight and get fit, will I do it in
time? Everyone says you need to get fit for yourself, not
for anyone else, but when you think about it, I'll just be
miserable in Europe if I don't lose weight. So while it may
seem like I'm trying to look good for Angelo, in the long
run it's for me because I'll be more comfortable with myself