ra

failed attempt @ self-hypnosis

it is 3:50 am and i cannot sleep. i have tried to lay
down, but something like fear keeps me awake.

i am more often than not opposed to standardized
formats, so instead of making an actual entry, a task i
have yet to do, i will proceed to write down whatever
words come to mind. i'd like to think of it as emptying
the trash bin of my sub/unconscious, or an alternative
to dreaming (an activity it seems i won't be involuntarily
engaging in tonight, which is fine with me since the
previous nights' rem images have been all too vivid.)

snow falling over a fire, much ado about everything,
lexicon, christmas lights, black shorts and white
blouse, shrimp creole, dancing on the tennis courts in
the rain, C., are oranges really not the only fruit, regret,
paralysis, eating roses by the dozen, dancing cats, a
mumbling jabberwocky, telescopes and heliotrophs,
platfoms with butterfly wings, where have you been,
monopoly chance cards, the red bull...

i wish i could sleep... i am quite hopeless at writing and
all other tasks requiring any effort, such as breathing.
inhale. exhale.

i will probably read this in the morning, laugh, then
erase all i have written, in that order. the side effects
are likely to include some wretched self-pity and mild
amusement at the obscure state i find myself now in.

to the rare few who get to enjoy this literate gem
(drench said statement in sarcasm, and not the equal
or sweet-and-low quality sarcasm, but rather the
100% pure cane form), my apologies.