Life as I know it.
2001-07-02 07:18:43 (UTC)

You're not the only one but you're the best bradley

Its a sublime lyric if you were wondering about the title,
its just been stuck in my head.

Well last night, yeah yeah I slept with him again. WEAK I
AM WEAK! I was stoned, he was drunk, the sex was good
tho. There was no talk about "us" we basically just
fucked. But I stayed the night. Cause im an idiot. Caues
I knew he would be kicking me out when he got up and before
his roommate got up. The only type of conversation we had
was "i was trashed last night did i cum inside you?" GEE
even "was what we did right?" NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO cause that
would be actually nice to hear instead of the whole
worrying thing he had about cumming inside me. WHAT THE
FUCK? Maybe this whole situation will make me hate him.
Im still worried that he is dating someone else and just
basically fucking me. WE went into this situation on the
pure fact that if we were to do this, it would be only us
and we wouldnt be dating anyone or anything along those
lines cause yes yes in this time we are supposed to be
fixing things....whatever. I want to fix things but i dont
know, i just hope im not being majorly played cause that
right now would either 1. destroy my trust in all men or
2. Make me turn into a big fucking whore and sleep around
just so i know it gets back to him what a whore i can be if
i chose to be. BUT I TRUST HIM! Thats fucked up isnt it.
I am in the shadiest situation in the world right now and
yet i trust him. I hope he trusts me. I already got a
taste of his good ol jealously thign the other night
wondering who my friends brother was cause he saw me
talking to him. He didnt say it but its jealousy. God I
wish i could have him whipped again, last time i didnt mean
to have him whipped like when we were together but now ugh
now i dont know what he is thinking, dont tell me to ask
him cause that would be too easy you know? I dont take the
easy things cause that would actually be SMART but this
whole situation is strange so i dont know, im going in
hoping for the best, expecting the worst. And if nothing
comes out of this i had fun. I'm not gonna lie I am not
dating anyone or even really thinking about it but if there
comes a time when i want to and this whole situation is
going on im gonna have to do major thinking, Matt will too
if the situation arises. I seriously just shouldnt think
about this should i? I should just keep livng my life how
it is, things work themselves out natually...if only i can
really beleive it.