2002-07-19 01:46:55 (UTC)


The last 3 days have been so weird. My parents and I went
to Rome, NY for a couple of days. It was nice. We hiked
up this mountain and took pictures. The view was
absolutely breathtaking. These past few days have been
life changing. I think I'm learning what it is like to
appreciate life. There are so many things I usually take
for granted. Being up there seeing how beautiful nature
truly is was more than enough to wake me up from the
stupor I have been living in. I really have never been
happier even though my family is going through a crisis
with my uncle in the hopsital in critical shape. I only
hope that once he gets out that he changes his lifestyle.
I don't want him to die. He is my favorite uncle. He's
always looked after me. He joked around with me alot. I
miss it. I wasn't even able to see him today which really
sucked. He has pancreatitis. It's from all the drinking
he's been doing lately. Erg. I simply don't see the need
for it. There are other ways to cope with stress. I know
I used to be a die hard liquor fan and all but now, it
just seems stupid and kinda reckless. I'm not the person
I once was. I value my body too much now. Anyhow, back
to Rome...I met my mom's friend's sons. They were ok.
The were somewhat friendly; however, they didn't really
try to make me feel welcomed. It's one of those "oh well"
things. Needless to say, I tried to make the best out of

I'm talking to Tim right now. God, I miss him so much.
Everyday my love for him grows. Right now even though we
are far away, I feel so close to him. Earlier I was
talking about him to my relatives in the waiting room in
the hospital and passed around his picture. They were
joking about how serious he looked in his dress blues and
the look on his face and I kept telling them how he wasn't
allowed to smile. They asked me how I met him and I
hesitated to respond. My other aunt was like "don't tell
me you met him on the internet" and I just giggled and
turned beat red. LoL. Later just as we were about to
leave the hospital, I called him from a pay phone which
cost me serious buckage but was well worth it cuz I got to
hear that sexy husky voice of his that I love so much. He
was placating me cuz at the point I was seriously on the
brink of tears. I love my uncle and I would be devastated
if he died. Tim was totally understanding like usual.

At dinner, my mom and my grandma were all preaching to me
about dating around before I settle. Really, I have dated
alot of guys in little time that I have lived in this
world. I know what I like in a man and Tim has got it
all. However, I do somewhat agree. I am going to talk to
Tim about college and everything. Not breaking up or
taking a break per se but just meeting new people. I know
if I don't I will always wonder. I don't know how to tell
him though that wouldn't hurt him. I love the man with
all of my heart. I just want to be sure. Y'know? I
just hope he will understand where I am coming from.

Instead of going to Cape May next week, we are coming back
here to my grandparent's house to be with my uncle in this
critical time. I only hope by then he will be better. If
anyone does read this, keep my uncle in your prayers.