starry nite

my own world
2002-07-19 01:08:18 (UTC)

incessant thoughts of james

i really dont have much to write....nothing new anyway.
since my brother told me the other day that he had seen
james, he has been on my mind a lot. i keep thinking about
the relationship we once had. the one we had before he went
to jail. it was so great then, i really felt loved. now its
been 3 weeks(exactly 3 weeks today) and i havent heard from
james. he told my brother that he doesnthave a enough
courage to talk to me since i said that i hated him. i
really dont hate him though. i hate what he has done to me
and i hate the way he treated me for the past 3 months(at
least) but i do love him. he says he loves me...he told my
brother he did...but if he did i think he would at least
find out if i wanted to talk or something, scine i have no
way of calling him. but he hasnt called and evidently now
he is moving....he always told me that if he we broke up
for good he would move away and i guess thats what he is
doing now. i hope he comes to get his stuff before he does.
it would be hard to see him again but i need closure and
its going to be so hard to try and find it if things end
the way they did. i just want one more more
time to talk things out and get all our feelings out and
not have the last time we talk be the time we got in a huge
fight and things were said out of anger. well since its
been 3 weeks and usually i hear from him the next day im
thinking its pretty obvious i wont hear from him. if he
loved me he would want to at least see how i felt about mad and he said hateful thigns to me too but i
still want to talk again. i guess if he doesnt love me then
it doesnt matter how it ended.

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