Alexander Dickson

Silent Hill: Town of Unforgetable Memori
2002-07-19 00:18:13 (UTC)

The Pilgrimage is over

After about 19 days, the Pilgrimage for this year is over.
Maybe a little shorter than previous years but a
considerably lot less has happened that involves me in
some way. I've definately learned a lot about myself this
time and I'm sure it'll serve some purpose in the
forseeable future. I'll put a rundown of what I've learned.

Parents splitting up: Quite probably the most, erm, "in
your face" event over the past year (my Pilgrimage year
starts July). Altogether, it shown me that I can't change
things just because I'm there, regardless of how much I
wish I could. In a lot of things I'm nothing more than a
minor character. I have my own story but I don't have
anything more than a chapter or random appearance in other
people's stories. I needed to learn how not to try and be
there for everything and everyone, its impossible. It'll
also be a great weight off my shoulders. There's a
difference between being selfish and looking out for your
own interests. I've learned that now.

University: I was at University working (yeah right) my
ass off to get into a decent course so I can make people
proud and impressed. My family and friends. Hell, even
complete strangers would be impressed with my credentials.
No more, I'm doing this for me. All too often I do things
to appease other people with little consideration for my
own feelings. I'll still do my best to be nince in general
but I'm not going to orsake myself for everyone else any
longer.

Christopher's Incarceration: When I told Ian that my
brother had been put in prison, he seemed very happy about
it. I guess he assumed after all he did to me and the way
I went on about Chris, that I too would have been
overjoyed about it. Whereas its true that he did do a lot
to me (stealing, fighting, he even stuck a sharp pointed
potato peeler in my face) I don't think any real brother
would take solace in the imprisonment in a sibling. Family
bonds are strange things indeed.

Isolation: Maybe a bad title but still it has been
something I've been through this year. With all my friends
at various Universities throughout the country they never
really had time to hang with me. I didn't feel this until
the new year when I stayed at home and everyone else
returned to University. I had made what would be
considered "friends" at Stirling but I wasn't at Stirling
anymore. I was back in Elderslie with no friends at all.
There were still a couple around but I wasn't a major
player anymore, if I ever was at all. I felt like a
character who served a purpose near the start of a story
but was soon stuck on the character select screen. No
longer was I Squall Leonhart, but Quistis Trepe (without
the whip unfortunately). This is something I hated so much
at the time. But during the Pilgrimage I realised this is
quite an important thing in a way. I can't expect my
friends to be there all the time for me. They have their
own stories, they have to take care of themselves.

Sarah's Psychosis: I can't believe I forgot this at the time of
writing. If anything this sad event has taught me to cherish what
little sanity I have left. Schitzophrenia, how wretched. I often
argue with myself outloud but I know that in the end, I only have
one personality, regardless of how much conflict it suffers from. I
have no idea about the physical/mental symptons of the illness but I
couldn't bear to let myself suffer from that. I'd fight it to the
very end.

I have no idea if this makes much sense in writing since I
have no real intention of reading this over, not my style,
but it did and does make sense to me in my head and I
consider that the most important thing of all.

Till next time Space Kittens.


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