Abstract Soul
2002-07-18 15:12:11 (UTC)

There are ghosts all around..

There are ghosts all around me..within me...beside me.

I'm tired of living with this voice in my head.
I'm planning the day when I will be able escape and be free
of myself.
....but that day will never come.

This fake smile I offer is mistakenly painting a portrait
that everyone perceives as "correct". Everyone sees me
happy. Everyone thinks that I am perfectly well.

This, I hate to say, is incorrect.

I don't like disappointing others...but I so far from okay
that I don't think that I ever will be.
I'm tired of hiding.

In the simpliest words....I'm incurably unhappy.

I cannot express my feelings to anyone.
In my home...there is no such thing as being unhappy. There
is no time for sadness and even if one were...there would
be no one to care or to comfort.

I am so close to getting out and yet it seems as if the
door to freedom is so far away.

It is almost as if you are crawling through a path of
excruciating torture and you have only two feet until you
will be free of it, but you give up because those two feet
feel like ten miles.

I'm dying.

I can help it, but I don't think that it would be possible
considering the fact that as I slowly kill myself..I feel
better. If the process was deadly but had a socially
accepting and self satisfying result...would you continue?

I don't know what to do.

I'm on the ground pleading and everyone is looking the
other way.