camicazy

rage

argh.

it's days like these that i wish i was a better person. if
only i can tell him that i didn't like what he did. but i
am guilty of that too. i am as irresponsible and as
unreliable as he is. i guess i just expected too much. i
thought he would show up. i should have known. i should
have learned from experience a long time ago. things hardly
ever turn out the way you want them to.

HE: you're such a martyr candice...
SHE: yeah. how come you're not irritated? if i were you i
would box his ears.
HE: you are unbelievably strong.

tonight is the last time i will be able to see them. i
really thought he would show up. i really thought he would.

---

though i know you are a friend and i am your friend, i have
realized that you are not afraid to step on me and destroy
me. you know you can blackmail me if i spill out what i
have just discovered...i know you won't hesitate to destroy
me: my credibility, my dignity, everything about me.

and though you are my friend, i want you to know that i am
growing to feel this deep anger. this anger for all your
lies and worthless talk. for all those times wherein you
promised you would be there for me but you were never
there. for all those hearts you've played with, for all
those girls you've manipulated, i feel sorry for them. and
though i know you can be great, you are evil. when i see
you...i see nothing but your falseness and lies. i see
nothing but your dirty past that you so try to cover up. i
see nothing but you and your words as you try to build
yourself up.

i know you are not afraid to step on me. i know you are not
afraid to destroy anything that is an obstacle to you and
the mask of purity that you have tried so hard to maintain.

and though you are my friend, i want you to know that if
you will treat me that way, then i am not afraid to treat
you that way. scream his name and i will scream her name. i
will destroy you too.

---

it's times like these that i realize that i can hide my
anger so perfectly now so that no one suspects. i can
bottle it and hide it deep within myself and just let it
explode when i am alone.

people frustrate me. people irritate me.

and i am disappointed yes. disappointed and annoyed.
because of people who claim to be your friends and yet
could not hold true to their word, of people who claim to
be your friends and yet could threaten you so easily in
front of everybody.

i found out the truth. the truth bites. and you can not
handle the truth. that's why you are so scared. you can not
face the people who are correcting you. you hate them. you
loathe them with all your heart.

threaten me. if you raise your voice again, if you scream
his name one more time, if you make another move, i swear i
will tear you from limb to limb. i will make you bleed. i
will destroy everything that you have built up. i will make
you regret ever treating me this way.