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02/07/01 - 8:55AM

Well. Where to start.

I feel awful today, not for myself though. I had many
emails waiting in my inbox this morning. One from a friend
who has recently had a baby, with photos attached of the
beautiful bouncing boy. Harry is so cute!!

And another from one of my co-workers, with another update
on another co-workers baby. She was born a few weeks ago
with heart problems, and has been undergoing numerous
operations to try to correct them. She passed away on
Saturday night. I just feel like crying for her poor
parents. I have never seen a guy more excited about being a
daddy... he gave us updates on his wifes pregnancy every
day, he grinned from ear to ear at the thought of looking
after a little one. She was his biggest achievement before
she was even born. Upon seeing her, he named her after his
mother, a woman who died in childbirth. Was that a bad omen
from the start? I don't know. The whole thing is just awful.

How can such a tiny life be taken away from people who
would have made the best parents??? How can people who
don't want kids, just keep on having them??? IT IS JUST NOT
FAIR! I reiterate my disbelief in a higher power, in a god
of any sort. There is no reason for this... NONE! Fuck.

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"This chest is empty and for display purposes only, the
actual heart has been put on a shelf, high above all you
people, where you cannot reach it and fingerprint it, and
possible break it. It is just too precious" Yeah. Me.