cosmic ski slopes
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2002-07-17 22:44:38 (UTC)

a year... a month...

yeah, this time last year i was torn as to whether or not
i'd sleep with phil. i did, and my life changed alot,
though i didn't see it then.
nick and i have only spoken once since the winter formal.
and that was at a track meet for about two seconds. that's
it. i called to wish him a happy birthday, getting nothing
in return, not even a thank you or a polite comversation.
we're both moving soon, to the same city afterall
incedentally. i got into American and that's where i'll be
exactly one month from today. I'm moving to dc and probably
never coming back... unless I want to see Phil.
hmmm... explaining to do? yeah, after four months I told
Keeb that I couldn't be with him, and eeven though it's
been 7 months since that happened, and even though i was
with a guy named ben for 5 months... i still miss Keeb.
he's here now, out of the USMC and living with his family
five minutes down the road from me. but we don't see
eachother, we don't even speak a lot really. i dated ben
fomr the tim ekeeb and i split almost until graduation. a
few weeks before grad, right when i was signing contracts
with dc and right after ben's prom (a prom night which
became very 'typical'...), things fell apart with ben. and
phil came home from NJ and we started hangign out again. he
was an outside opinion, i could talk to him freely, no
worry about who he'd tell or who he'd side with. even my
best friends were biased and they all knew everything that
had happened with ben and i. I just wanted someone to look
at the situation and tell me it would be ok. tell me to
have faith and to hold me when i was hurting... that's all
i've always wanted right? so phil and i became close again,
we were together all the time, and then one night here,.
watching movies, he told me that last summer he didn't want
to break up, but went with it since he was moving. he told
me that he was fallign in love with me agian and didn't
know what to do about it. i fell into him. i let him hold
me and we kissed and now we've been back together for a
little over a month (the 9th was a month), which is more
than we dated all of last summer. it's very easy for me to
say that he's my best friend, i tell him everythgin and
spend every moment possible with him. i miss him when he's
at one of his 3 jobs, i miss him when i'm in the booth at
the theater (yes, i still work at the theater, shane just
quit, so now we have a new manager, and andy and paul k and
jordan all quit last fall- there ar elots of new ppl, and
hun and kim both work there now too, phil does too*grin*)
and he's downstairs working concession... and things are

i move soon though. and nick is the only one i know in dc,
and so we attempt to be friends when we care that much,
mostly we just ignor eachother though. and i think phil is
gonna be in NJ again, so he'll only be a ocupl hours away,
we want to try to stay together. and keeb is staying here,
and still loves me but i can't deal with that, can't mess
things up, so i've gotten very good at pretending that
everythign is ok... i'm not on meds anymore, i'm heading
into a great school to study politics and law, i'm finally
moving out, i have aloving boyfriend and an interesting
past... but that's all any of it is, the past. so i try
very hard everyday to leave it there. sometimes i slip up,
i admit, but then i'm lying next to phil or watching a
movie or sitting at the beach- and all my trying feels
worth it.
"Happy In The Meantime" -Lit

It's just another reason why
It all comes down to you and I
Just have another drink
Waste some time with me
We're happy in the meantime

I've gotta make up for losin' time
Cuz I've been spinnin' my wheels all night
And I can't wait
Can't hardly wait to see you
Things seem better off now
I think I'm better off now

It's just another reason why
It all comes down to you and I
Just have another drink
Waste some time with me
We're happy in the meantime

I guess the rain's gonna follow me
Cuz it's been droppin' in minor D.
And I can't wait
Can't hardly wait to see if
Things seem better off now
I think I'm better off now


Well save a little rain
And wash away the pain
I'll try and keep it clean
I'll show you what I mean
I don't wanna keep you holdin' on
Cuz in the morning I'll be gone
So long

*gets offline to pack her books for shipping*