MorrisseyxAngel

Fish 'n Chips
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Ezoic
2001-07-01 17:47:40 (UTC)

Grrrrr.

Music: Angel, Angel Down We Go Together-Morrissey
Random Thought: Everything sucks.


So....I spent the night with Megan the other day, the girl
that I kinda hated and thought hated me in return. But no,
it's totally opposite from that. It turns out that she had
liked me since about the 2nd week of school. We found out
that we have a lot of shit in common, like...we went to the
same church when we were younger, she knows a lot of people
that I know that I never thought she would, just stupid
shit like that. So this girl happens to be one of my
friends girlfriends...and she's all trying to get up in my
shit. I don't even know why I let her, but we ended up
making out and all of those lovely things. I feel so
guilty....but she has this "theory", about how cheating
isn't bad. Because with the person you're with, is on an
emotional level...it's about feelings and how you care for
that person. But with the person you're cheating
with....it's strictly a sexual thing. Do I agree? I don't
know. Cheating is cheating. You would still feel guilty if
the other person found out, because you don't want to hurt
them. If Ginelle found out, she would be hurt....and so
would I. Because she would kick my ass. I told Tom about
it, I really hope he doesn't say anything. He probably will
though, because that's just him. Megan, Ginelle, Megan's
friend Beth and I are all supposed to hang out tomorrow. I
don't know. Megan wants me to meet Beth. Ugh.

Speaking of Tom....we do something last night and at like
11 he decides to go to the park, cuz there is nothing else
to do. And he wants to talk to me....so I go over and sit
down on the bleacher thingies and I'm smoking a cig. So
there's this club thing and they're playing this stupid
cheezy music and Tom asks me to dance with him. Haha, it
was cute in that stupid way. I cannot dance. So I just
stood there, hah. Anyway, somehow we ended up getting back
together. Now I feel like total shit...I want to be with
him...but at the same time, I don't know. I love him and I
care for him a lot..more than a lot...more than anything.
Just....I don't know if we're ready to try again. We gave
it like a week, if that. I don't know what to do. I can't
say "Oh well I change my mind" because that would be fucked
up to do and I'd probably hurt him some more like I always
do. I guess I made another mistake, because everything is
always my fault...and now I'm stuck.


-Megan


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