the random confessions of a teenager
It's really hard to explain, but sometimes there's this
void, a hole deep inside your body. You can't pinpoint the
exact location -- sometimes it's in your heat, other times
it's in your stomach, your lungs, or some other place,
deeper than anything else. If you ever try to find it when
it's really deep, you find a sort of path, a tunnel, if you
will, leading to this strange, dark world.
This other world sometimes grabs you when you least expect
it. Like, if your walking down the street, you'll stop and
stare, starting to blank out. But don't stare too long or
too hard -- people wil notice, and that's what you don't
want. You see, if people notice, then they'll treat you
The hole, by the way, is empty, but is filled with a deep
sadness. Sometimes the sadness only comes up a little bit.
Other times, the sadness comes up so much, it spills out of
you and all you want to do is scream or cry or throw things
at random people, people who had nothing to do with the
sadness you feel inside.
But, no matter how much of the sadness comes up, the
emptiness is always present. It's always there.
The world within changes a lot. Sometimes it's dark and
cold -- so cold that no amount of cloth can provide enough
warmth. Other days, it's smothering, smoldering hot that
you feel as if you're burning. There is one constant,
though: fatigue. No matyter how awake you are, you're
always exhausted, always tired, always sluggish. There's a
certain comfort in knowing that, no matter what the day
brings, that little bit of fatigue will be there for you to
turn to, to overtake you if need be. But no matter how much
you let the exhaustion take over, it's never enough to fall
asleep in the proper place -- your bed. For, once you
actually get into bed, thoughts fly through your head and
don't stop for a good 30, maybe 45 minutes.
But there's always something to make you go on each day --
there must be something, or else why would we exist for so
many years with so much? This "thing" is what relaxes you
enough to sleep at night and helps you out of bed in the
mornings. It stays hidden away, but there's always the
knowledge that it will be there, protecting and helping.