Cath

Unsexy

Oh, these little rejections how they add up quickly
One small sideways look and I feel so ungood
Somewhere along the way I think I gave you the power
to make me feel the way I thought only my father could

Oh, these little rejections how they seem so real to me
One forgotten birthday I'm all but cooked
How these little abandonments seem to sting so easily
I'm I 13 again
Am I 13 for good?

I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful
So unloved for someone so fine
I can feel so boring for someone so interesting
So ignorant for someone of sound mind

Oh, these little protections how they fail to serve me
One forgotten phone call and I'm deflated
Oh, these little defenses how they fail to comfort me
Your hand pulling away and I'm devastated

When will I stop leaving baby?
When will I stop deserting baby?
When will I start staying with myself?

Oh, these little projections how they keep springing from me
I jump my ships as I take it personally
Oh, these little rejections how they disappear quickly
the moment I decide not to abandon me

You know.. It's all inside your head..
There are a few lines in that song that I think are pretty
much brilliant..

Your hand pulling away and I'm devastated

I'm 13 again, am I 13 for good?

I think I gave you the power to make me feel the way I
thought only my father could

Not really the father-part, but "I gave you the power to
make me feel.."
Unless you give someone the power to make you feel
something, they can't hurt you. But the moment you care
about them, the moment you give them that power. That's
what love is about. That is why Ben can make me feel like
the most special girl on the planet one second and the next
he can make my heart hurt like it has never hurt before.
And most of the time he doesn't even know that he has done
anything that could hurt me. (Most of the time.. It's not
like it happens all the time.. it has happened a few times)
I jump my ships as I take it personally. I am the one that
make myself hurt.

I'm thinking about posting some pictures of us on a website-
thingy I found. But I don't know if I'll bother to if no
one cares :) So let me know.

This is utopia, this is my utopia
This is my ideal, my end in sight
Utopia, this is my utopia
This is my Nirvana
My ultimate